Heartbreak Summit
by Rietto
Summary: In the end, they all can't get what they want. In which Asch and Luke went through Big Bang Effect, and none was happy about it, not them and not the others. About what they're doing, what they want, and what they're planning too. Set after Asch's death in Eldrant.
1. Heartbreak Summit, Chapter 1

**My take on how Asch was doing within Luke, and I'm making him asleep during the whole Nebilim and Replicantis fiasco. Next is during the battle with Van, I think? If I ever get to continue.**

* * *

When he realized it, what Asch could see was only colors.

Gold... Perhaps it's orange? There's a hint of red too. Although he swore he also saw a flash of blue earlier. Colors of flame, he realized. Asch took a deep breath and exhaled before sitting down in the strange space and let himself relax for once.

He knew where he was, and frankly he had expected to end up there. Well, the fact that he still retain his consciousness was a bit surprising though, but not that shocking. There hadn't been any literature describing after life, and even if there was he doubt his condition could be described as after-life. Granted, he had died, but... It felt wrong anyway.

His fonons had flowed into Luke, completely. Was it due to Big Bang or not, Asch wasn't sure but in the end it didn't matter. It didn't change the fact that he ended up in his fonslot.

It's cold, but warm at the same time. A contradiction, Asch knew, but he felt that way. Sadness... Regret... The idiot really didn't want him to die. Well, if Luke heard his words in the death trap, surely now he'd understand what he meant. He's alive, although not able to live.

Now, inside him, he's also 'Luke fon Fabre'.

Perhaps deep down Luke understood. That would explain the warmth. And now that he had accepted his replica's reasoning, he doubted he even felt any pain now. That's good. Not that he cared about his replica's well being or anything silly like that. It's just that it'd be easier for both of them if Luke could properly do his job. He wouldn't like it if he dare say to his companions 'Sorry, Asch is inside me now and he's giving me a headache' and use it as excuse when he loses. If that happens, Asch swore he'd make it as painful as possible for him.

Asch let out a sigh.

He wondered how much time had passed since their fight in the trap room. How much time had passed since he realized the horrible fact that might ruin his perfect dream. He lost track of time during his fight. Adrenaline always does that to him.

During the fight, Luke's eyes, identical vibrant green as his, had shown desperation he knew too well. Quickly, Luke wanted the fight to be over with as fast as possible. If he wasn't so frustrated with Asch, the original was sure that he'd beg him to stop the damn pointless fight. It's just a waste of their precious time and energy. Asch had the impression that at one point, Luke actually fought against himself, gritting his teeth in attempt not to yell 'Why can't we just use rock-paper-scissor to settle this?!'.

Now that he thought about it, it had been a wonderful idea. Silly, embarrassing and downright uncool, but appropriate judging from their time, place, and circumstances. Two dying men about to challenge their teacher in a battle of life and death for the sake of resolving their identity issue, the continuance of the world, and (minor detail that wouldn't be said but still important nevertheless) bringing smile to _the_ girl's face, and they settle the issue of who's more worthy by fighting among themselves? That's insane. It wouldn't matter who's more worthy, the fight would only lower their already miniscule chance in winning.

_Damn it..._

Asch realized then that Luke was dying. And he doubted Luke didn't found out that his original was dying too.

But of course, since no one actually said anything, he didn't know what could be the cause of that. Despite popular belief, it's actually impossible (or perhaps, Asch just didn't know how to, but since his condition was unique and therefore didn't come with a manual, what qualifies as theoretically possible would always stay that way) for him to read his replica's mind. Well, most of the time he knew what the idiot was thinking though. His line of thought was easy enough to predict. Sometimes though, he'd decide on something so idiotic...

Asch scoffed.

Hard to explain his feeling when Luke decided on something far too stupid, even by the replica's standard. It's always mind-blowing. Usually when that sometimes happen, it's because someone else had put the idea in his head. Usually, that something would cause other things to go horribly wrong. Case in point was Akzeriuth, which kicked off the domino effect mirrored perfectly with _**Sephiroth**_ of all things. And then there's Tower of Rem incident. It had almost caused the idiot to die pointlessly along with the precious supply of seventh fonon needed to purify the world, without taking the taint with him.

Idiot... What did he do this time to have caused _this_?

He had been willing to die because he knew that 'Luke' would prevail. Even if he wouldn't make it, 'Luke' would still be around in the new world. And so, no one would be saddened. Their savior was alive! The last fulfilled prophecy was that of prosperity! Well, technically it was of destruction, of Hod to be exact, or perhaps of the replicas in Tower of Rem if not Akzeriuth, but it was a minor detail that's better off forgotten.

But... if Luke dies... then who would take on the role of 'Luke'?

His dream, his ideal future, where 'Luke' lives was in danger.

No... it's no longer dream of his own now, wasn't it? Luke also wished it. Even though he didn't want to be 'Luke', he didn't want 'Luke' to disappear too. And despite with different reasons, everyone else he journeyed with also didn't want 'Luke' to disappear. But their 'Luke' was different than his and his replica's 'Luke'. They didn't just want the continuance of 'Luke''s existence, they wanted their friend. They wanted the replica Luke.

All of them... Including the person he once thought as his best friend (but not anymore, and he too had decided that Asch was nothing to him), and she who he loved so dearly.

It's not him that they wanted. It'd never be him. It had to be Luke. And surprisingly, Asch agreed. Instead of a bloodied existence like him, who knew nothing but rage and hatred, it's better if Luke truly becomes 'Luke'. His replica was akin to flame, Asch noticed. Dangerous if not watched, true, but needed nevertheless. At first, of course. Over the course of time, thanks to his companions raising his IQ no doubt, Luke's existence was becoming more and more like pure light, fitting of the name 'Luke'. Kind... warm... strong... wanted...

Everything he could never be.

That's why he had been so very angry with his replica, who insisted that he couldn't be 'Luke'. That he's his own person, and wouldn't take _his_ place. He was tempted to _try_ (undoubtedly with little to no chance of success) to kill him and take on the role of 'Luke' himself, but the constant reminder that his replica was the better person stopped him.

He had to find a way... hurry before the fight ends! Hurry before both of their lives died out like flame under a turnover glass.

But then, a thought came into him. He might not have to do anything.

He was scion of Lorelei, the one who had the same fonon frequency as the seventh fonon's sentience. That means, his fonons were all that of seventh fonons. The healing fonons...

Ah... he didn't need to worry after all.

With his death, Luke will be saved. And 'Luke' will continue on existing. And with him gone, surely Luke would stop spouting that nonsense about not wanting to be 'Luke'. It's not like he'd be able to abandon his parents, or Natalia. The idiot was too kind for that, despite his apparent special affection towards a certain Yulia's spawn. Besides, surely whatever problem he had could be fixed with seventh fonon. Unlike his. Only Luke's death could save him, theoretically speaking. But he couldn't kill him. Not with the unfairness of their circumstances. How insulting, so very infuriating. How dare the replica told him that he's weaker when he's draining him all this time?!

He didn't know anything!

… Granted, he also didn't know that Luke was dying. That would explain his stubbornness in wanting to leave everything to Asch. He was the same as he did. He must had been unsure that his body would hold on long enough to finish his job.

Asch then decided that perhaps he could try to forgive Luke's words. It wasn't fair to force a life to a dying man, he knew how hard it was to take. He'd been feeling it as of late, and he never liked the feeling. He almost felt sorry for his replica.

Almost. There's no way he'd feel sorry for someone who had, albeit unknowingly, stolen everything from him. Not a chance.

But Asch supposed he was affected enough that he was not at all disturbed by the thought of now he's inside his idiotic replica, and even wanting to support him. Now that he thought about it, since the theory popped into his mind back then, he wasn't the least bit disgusted. He was even... relieved? How strange.

Well, whatever. Now that's he's in Luke's fonslot, possibly for good with nothing to do, he might as well help him. It's Luke. He's prone to disaster. Even if he's now had (possibly) been cured and no longer dying, there's high chance he'd mess up soon enough. His replica was walking disaster magnet after all. Any second now.

Bingo.

Asch let out a sigh. How very troublesome. Not one one minute had passed since he passed the baton, and he's in trouble already? And asking for his help even. Luke's fonons swirled unnaturally as he tried to do something, perhaps an arte. Even so, his fonons and the nature's fonons weren't colliding properly like they should. Well, it's probably enough to cause hyper-resonance, but a weak one. Luke was right. He's weaker in the hyper-resonance department, although Asch figured it's just because he had next to no training in controlling his fonons. Unlike him, Luke had no fonic artes in his repertoire, and he figured it's because Van didn't want him to learn how to control his hyper-resonance and thus never teach him anything regarding fonons and fonic artes. After all, the only reason Asch and Luke could cause hyper-resonance was because their fonon frequency was that of Lorelei. Their fonons were all of seventh fonons. So, when they let it collide with seventh fonons from nature, same principle with any other fonic artes, hyper-resonance happened. The difference was that Luke was meant to be used just until Akzeriuth. Luke wasn't supposed to survive this long, while Asch supposed Van had wanted to use him until the end. Not that he'd agree to it. Well, Asch supposed he could have agreed, if only replicas wasn't part of the lunatic's plan.

Hm... Actually, Luke wasn't half bad. He's getting the basic idea, but it's not enough in his current state. He was still tired from his earlier fight with him, and he was panicking. It didn't help him concentrate at all, and Luke was in dire need of it if he wanted stronger and more controlled hyper-resonance for whatever problem he's facing. Asch could push forward and access Luke's body to see what's the problem, or perhaps yell out an order to calm the hell down, but he didn't want to alert Luke of his current condition. He didn't want Luke to know that he's still conscious. There's no telling what Luke would do if he found out, or what he'd suggest to his companions to 'save' him.

Asch then closed his eyes, and let his own fonons collide with the whirlwind, stabilizing the fonon flow and increasing the collision. There, it should be enough to help, right? The end result should be similar with what Van did in Akzeriuth, even though Van definitely didn't have the desire to help. Van just used his words to raise Luke's fonon absorption to power it up, resulting in a strong but impossible to control hyper-resonance. Even if the idea of Eldrant destroyed just like Akzeriuth was very tempting, it would do no good if 'Luke' and people dear to _him_ were to die too. What Asch did shouldn't increase the amount of fonons used in hyper-resonance, and since it's using the amount of fonon Luke was comfortable with, Luke should be able to control it. Although Asch wondered if the result could be called hyper-resonance. Two hyper-resonances colliding... The effect should be different than ordinary hyper-resonance. Hm, what was the term for it again? Second order hyper-resonance?

Well, it didn't matter.

Not like knowing what it's named will do any good.

See? Luke was still in trouble. Asch felt an icy chill, much colder than before, that disappeared in an instant only to be replaced with burning heat. If he had to take a guess, the chill was from Luke steeling his resolve to kill someone (he always hated killing in general, even monsters), as for the heat... Well, it must be Luke's emotional pain caused by his resolve. Uncomfortable, so painful, he didn't like it. Not one bit.

Was it what his replica's feeling each time he swung his sword? Wasn't it as if he was being burned in hell itself? Asch hoped someone would talk to him about the concept of duty, and allowed killing when in defense. Although he wasn't sure if that would help easing Luke's (and from now on his too) pain. He could be so stubborn when he wanted to.

At least... at least after this, after Van is defeated, he might not have to kill anything again. And although Asch knew Luke would be forever haunted by the ghosts of everyone and everything he had killed, at least his pain wouldn't become more intense. Perhaps time could ease his pain.

Perhaps... just perhaps.

Another contradiction.

Asch hugged his knees and groaned. He felt weaker all of a sudden, probably due to his intervention earlier. Suddenly he was assaulted with fatigue, and if it wasn't for the pain he's feeling he'd fainted already. Perhaps that's why he started thinking silly things like Luke's suffering.

He's getting delirious... sleepy...

… So tired...

He wanted to... no, _needed_ to sleep...

But, would he wake up again, Asch wondered glumly. He wanted to stay awake if he could, so despite the discomfort he found himself grateful for the pain. He wanted to make sure that Luke didn't do anything wrong or stupid or make a blunder, make sure that 'Luke' was doing fine. Or perhaps that's just an excuse. He wasn't sure. It could be that despite the expectations and theories and everything that he had been through, he was just afraid of dying and couldn't bring himself to admit it.

But... he was getting sleepy... and the heat he had so gladly accepted was getting less and less painful. Possible explanation was that Luke had learned that he couldn't let the pain interfere in fight and made the effort to suppress the pain, thank Lorelei for that. At least it meant that he'd fight properly, not like when he first saw him in Tartarus (even though not a year should have passed since then, to him it felt like a lifetime already). It's either that or the fight is over already. Didn't matter either way. But...

The lack of pain only made it harder for him to stay awake... And if he fell asleep, he doubted even similar pain could jolt him awake.

No... he couldn't sleep now... Not at this important time!

"Asch..."

Damn it... and he'd been realized too.

If he wasn't so tired, he'd run away despite knowing how fruitless it would be. He's in Luke's fonslot. Luke would always be able to sense him.

"_..._ Thank you for earlier. I couldn't do it without you."

Luke's sudden words stopped his line of thought, and then Asch found himself tensing as warm fingers stroke his cheek. Cracking an eye open, he saw a familiar face, his own face, smiling sadly at him.

"Tear taught me how to control my fonons and such. First step was to access my fonslots... So..."

Luke started explaining timidly, as if he found Asch's glare to be questioning when in reality he's just displeased at the fact that his idiot replica hadn't learned his lesson that he didn't like to be appreciated, not by him of all people. Not when it'd give him false hope that maybe, just maybe, he too deserved the name 'Luke'. But well, that'd explain his basic grasp in causing hyper-resonance. And his ability in projecting himself to him. Asch supposed the current Luke could pull his consciousness to his body, like what Asch did to him back then after he satisfyingly beat him up in Yulia City. Although he wondered how the others were perceiving Luke's lack of presence. With his consciousness focused in one of his fonslots like this, his body must be running on auto-pilot, figuratively speaking. Lights on but no one's at home. He wouldn't be surprised if his idiotic replica, who was enough of an idiot to attempt to speak to him while practically walking through a war-zone, slammed into one of the pillars supporting Eldrant and made himself look even more idiotic than possible. He grimaced at the thought of his replica further tainting the name 'Luke' that way, but Luke shook his head before he could voice his concern.

"I'm holding on to Natalia, or perhaps it's the opposite? She's pretty shaken with your... death."

He didn't seem to be comfortable in saying that particular last word before adding that no one was currently in the mood of chatting, and so his silence was not out of place.

Was he really that easy to read? Luke was always like an open book, but Asch never thought that he too was expressive enough that even an idiot like his replica could answer his question before it was asked. Granted, he was in his fonslot. Just like how he could sense Luke's feeling through his fonons, Luke could probably sense Asch's through the same way. He scowled. That would mean hiding his consciousness was a lost cause since the beginning.

"I... I'll find a way. After all of this is over, I'll make sure you return. I'll make sure 'Luke' lives."

Asch let out a sigh but allowed himself to relax slightly under Luke's touch. How troublesome. Just as expected, he's deciding on something idiotic. That's why he hadn't wanted Luke to realize. Best not to argue with him at this point of time though. Disagreeing with him will only cause him unable to fully focus on his incoming fight. Although him not agreeing with his replica was normal occurrence (snow would fall on the desert when his replica says something agreeable, Asch was sure of that), Luke never took his disagreement lightly. No, he'd rather not risk Luke doing something monumentally idiotic because of it, not in this important time. At least he had enough sense to know that fighting Van is the thing he should prioritize. Besides, Asch didn't have the energy to argue with him at the moment, not when he's feeling so unbelievably tired.

Seriously, what did he think he could do? Asch could no longer feel the connection to his own body, and as far as he was concerned Luke couldn't even tell he was connected in the first place. The path had been cut-off. There should be no returning to him. It's not possible for him to be 'Luke' anymore. At least he's still alive now, but he doubted he'd stay that way if he ever let himself succumb to the fatigue.

Damn it... his eyelids were getting heavier, and Luke's warm touch didn't help at all... He was almost sure that Luke was knowingly lulling him to sleep, and his suspicion was confirmed by his next words.

"Go to sleep. It's okay. I'll wake you up when we get to Master. It's still long journey ahead. And... To tell the truth, I'm thinking on returning to the city first, we're out of gels and even though no one has said anything I'm sure they also think that going after Master with no support is a bad idea."

Asch shook his head stubbornly, jerking Luke's hand away, before burying his face in his knees. Childish of him, Asch knew but he hadn't had the energy to do anything else. He knew that it was bad idea to disagree with Luke at this point of time, but no way in hell he's going to risk going into eternal slumber. Anything but that.

"Hey, don't be ridiculous..."

Luke sounded exasperated, but Asch knew that Luke would not give in. He heard him sigh, and said something vaguely familiar.

"_Don't get me wrong. I'm just using you. It's not for your sake. If you ever said it again, I'll kill you."_

It took Asch a good minute to realize that Luke was reciting his words.

"... and yet, you're too weak to even argue, even though I must have insulted you when I said thanks earlier, and each and every time I call Van 'Master'."

Another sigh, and then the heat returned. Asch let out a hiss and look up, expecting Luke to disappear to focus on another fight, but instead found his replica staring intensely at him, looking uncharacteristically cold. He grab a hold of his hair and forcefully yanked it before Asch could bury his face again, forcing him to look at his replica eye to eye.

"Fine, I'll use your logic and be blunt. Asch, I need you. I want to use you. Sync thought that what you did earlier can trouble Master, and all of us agree, but the current you can't do anything. I can't have that. So, I want you to sleep for now and help me defeat Master later or so help me Lorelei I'll suppress you myself. See if I care, I can stoop to Master's level if I want."

He realized it too? Sure, his condition now was more or less similar to how Lorelei's trapped inside Van, but he didn't know that Luke had enough intelligence to figure it out himself. Although Lorelei wasn't as willing to lend Van his power, and surely if he wasn't such a strong bastard, Lorelei would have destroyed his psyche already. Compared to Lorelei, he was more or less cooperative, with little to no intention of killing his current host. But he wasn't sure he could stay that way if Luke decided to forcefully subdue him. It'd be the same as locking him away, keeping him from helping, and Asch hadn't wanted that. Not when the safety of 'Luke' and _his_ important people were at the hand of his helpless replica. Asch opened his mouth, the fatigue was making it hard for him to find his voice, but he managed, although he didn't like how desperate and weak he sounded.

"... I can't die now."

"You won't if you would just stop being ungodly stubborn and sleep. I have my ways to wake you up later, if that's what you're worried about. I'm not as dumb as you think I am."

Asch raised an eyebrow at that, and with a scowl Luke elaborated.

"Tear remembered the Grand Fonic Hymn. It can awaken Lorelei, and since our fonon frequency is the same as Him, we're bound to react to it too. It can awaken you too. I'll have her sing it during the fight."

He waited, aware of a word that Luke deliberately left out in his explanation despite how logical it sounded, the word that didn't help ease his fear in sleeping one bit. Luke apparently understood too, he raked a hand through his flame colored hair and added under his breath.

"... theoretically," he reluctantly admitted. "I think."

He _thinks_? Asch wasn't sure he could put his faith in anything that comes from his replica's logic. If it came from Jade, then perhaps. But it couldn't be since all things regarding seventh fonon (except fomicry) and Lorelei were out of his field of expertise. As if sensing his uneasiness, Luke clicked his tongue in slight annoyance.

"Look. I don't know how I know, but I do know that you're using your own precious fonons to stay alive. Awake. Whatever. I need those fonons, and you, to cause another second order hyper-resonance. But not now. Perhaps not for another day or two even, if the others agree to return to the city first. The longer you're forcing yourself, the more your fonons will burn out. So I'm begging you, can you please sleep? I need you to be strong when the time comes."

He let go of his hair, and his hands moved to cup Asch's cheeks. His cold expression had melted, and now looked pained. More like his usual self. The pain dissipated, and from his hands warmth oozed out.

"Asch, please... I need you to survive this. No, I need 'Luke' to survive this. Because I probably won't. I don't want to risk burning you out completely..."

His voice shook, like he was trying to hold back his tears. Asch looked at him through squinted eyes, his vision started to become blurry, and Luke smiled at him. He laughed sheepishly before pulling Asch to his embrace. His face landed on Luke's chest and he felt him stroking his hair gently. The gesture was familiar, something the old him used to get from a beloved someone, and despite his reluctance he couldn't bring himself to resist this time. Although he wasn't sure what made him gave in. Was it the fatigue, or Luke's words. 'Luke''s survival was what he wanted, wasn't it? Or, he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, it could be his last words, about him not wanting to risk burning him out completely.

"Relax... sleep... I won't let you die. Not again."

When he found himself relaxing and losing his consciousness, Asch realized which one was the answer. Disgusted with himself, he once again reminded why even he felt Luke was the better person.

* * *

"Luke? Are you okay?"

Guy's touch brought Luke back to reality. He blinked once, twice, before looking up to the pair of bluish green eyes that were his bestfriend's and smiled. "Yeah? What's up?"

"You were spacing out, Luke. And..."

His face contorted to a frown, and his hand motioned to a spot near his eyes. Instinctively, Luke touched that spot on his own face, a bit surprised when he found his finger found a drop of water that couldn't come from anywhere but his eye.

"... ah."

"Are you sure you're fine, Luke?" Natalia asked, her grip on his hand tightened a bit. He knew what that meant. The only thing keeping her sane at the moment was the fact that Asch was inside him, although Luke was sure no one knew (not even Jade perhaps) the extent of that truth, and she couldn't help but to worry over him. No, she couldn't lose Asch, not again. And Luke wouldn't let that happen. He owed them both at least that.

"... yeah. I just... I'm fine. Picture perfect."

It's not entirely wrong. Asch's fonons had given him extra strength, and he felt better than before. But still, it wasn't what he wanted. He had taken Asch's past, and he wasn't sure he wanted the extra guilt of using his life, his present, despite knowing that it's absolutely necessary. It's like Tear all over again, he knew what Asch's doing is hurting him but he couldn't stop him because he knew it's necessary for the greater good. Luke didn't know how he knew, but he realized that as long as Asch was in his defective body, his fonons would seeped out along with his. And his stubbornness in wanting to stay awake would burn out his fonons too. No, he needed to be stopped, and he was grateful for Tear's fonon manipulation lessons. Lulling Asch to sleep had been difficult, but it's the only way he knew to reduce, not stopped sadly, Asch's fonon usage.

Now, if he could only find the thread he knew had to exist deep inside his fonslots leading to Asch's body...

Perhaps he could ask Lorelei to do something about that. He's like a god, right? A healing god, seeing as he's sentience of healing fonons. Surely he could fix a body. And once the body is fixed, surely the path would be opened again.

Yeah, before he disintegrate into nothingness, he would make sure to ask Lorelei about that.

"Are you hurt somewhere? I can cast first-aid if you want..." Tear said reluctantly from behind him. stopping his line of thought. But he insisted that he's fine and scolded her for being a worrywart. She frowned, no doubt not missing the edge from his old persona that only resurface when he's hiding something, but nodded nevertheless.

From the corner of his eyes, Luke saw Jade looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. How odd. He felt watched, but not out of concern like what he felt from everyone else. It felt like Jade was waiting for something, like he was in his scientist mood. It's like... he was expecting Luke to suddenly combust or grow a second head or something along the line of that. Luke turned to him, and tilted his head questioningly. After a long second, the oldest man in the group just sigh and shook his head with a smile gracing his face before turning to the girl who was currently in charge of their items.

"Say, Anise... we still have Wing Bottle in stock right?"


	2. Chapter 2

**In which Luke tried to make sense of his original, and despite his may not be so far from the truth realizations, he's still far from understanding him. If you're confused, then don't worry. Luke is also confused. Hell, I'm also confused. I played TotA years ago, but only now I realized that he confuses the hell out of me. Or is it just me because no one else seem to find him confusing. **

**Anyway, remember that in this Asch doesn't know about the Contamination Effect, only thinks that he'd die from it soon. Luke doesn't know about the effect at all. And no, this is not LukeAsch fanfic. Maybe only slightly leaning to that, but I'm making this according to game script and Luke's journal. It's just that it's hard to not think about someone who's inside you more than the person you like. **

* * *

Luke didn't know how he should feel when Asch stirred in his sleep.

Well, not exactly. It's not like he was tossing around in his fonslot or something like that. All things considered, he slept like a corpse, his fonons were so weak sometimes Luke was afraid he's just imagining them there. He was there though, and Luke knew that his feelings hurt him. So he pulled him to his body, letting him use his senses despite his unconsciousness, just like what Asch did to him after Akzeriuth. He wanted to get Asch away from his fonons, so he wouldn't have to feel any pain and could rest in peace (but not dead, he wouldn't allow him dying), but for some reason Luke could feel him, or his fonons to be exact, reacting to Tear's hymns. Even Nightmare, which was supposed to have that amazing lulling effect, brought out reaction from him. Fighting Nebilim had been hard because of it. Tear sang non-stop to support the group, and Luke had been so afraid that perhaps her separate hymns were enough to awaken Asch. He's not strong enough yet to wake up, not when his fonon regeneration was hindered with Luke's condition, but he supposed that it's better than the other possibility he'd been so afraid of. He didn't know what he'd do if his theory that Tear's hymn could wake him up was proven to be wrong.

Although...

Diving back to his fonslot, Luke was not pleased with Asch's projection's state. He's not fully asleep now, curling up as if he's trying to make himself as small as possible and looking pained. But surely this couldn't be caused by Tear's hymns. No, her hymns were something created out of love and hope, and Luke didn't believe it'd cause pain. Yulia would never want to hurt Lorelei, it's simply not possible. Biting his lower lip, Luke placed his hand on Asch's forehead and willed his feelings regarding 'Luke' to come through, slightly relieved when Asch relaxed once more under his touch. Really... he's so stubborn and dishonest... If he found the idea of himself being 'Luke' again so comforting, he should just take it when it's offered to him.

Hm? Wait a minute... Is it possible that...

Asch's pain came from him rejecting the hymns?

True, his original had that stupid tendency to reject things that are good for him, but Luke never thought it's possible to reject Tear's hymns. He could be biased, but there's nothing more comforting to him than listening to Tear's hymns. Well, as long he wasn't the intended target of its not so comforting effect at least. Granted, the singer was someone related to Van...

"... Why are you so against it? She won't hurt you, you know."

Though he wondered if Tear really was the problem. Asch never seemed to be bothered being around people with reasons to kill him, not that he doubted Tear or something silly like that. At least Asch seemed comfortable enough around Guy. He's really a good judge of character, something Luke was definitely not. Luke believed that about his original at least, and so he believed Asch would not reject Tear.

So... it's the hymns itself?

A contradiction then. Luke had after all established that the hymns would never cause pain, not to Lorelei and by extension Asch, and that Asch was a good judge of character who wouldn't think badly of Tear just because she's related to Van. So where did the pain come from then? Was it something else entirely?

Luke let out a sigh. Things regarding Asch had always been confusing. And he was even more confused by the fact that he's trying to make sense of him. Now of all times, even. But then again, he didn't have any other time to do that, did he? Before he disappear he wanted to give Asch the peace he's so rightfully deserve.

"What's on your mind?"

"... Asch."

Both figuratively and literally.

"I see. Well, I guess it'll be weird if you don't think about him. Do you want to share?"

Luke wondered what he could say to her.

What would Tear say if he said that Asch was still alive, and he's planning to keep it that way? What would she say if he told him that he's planning to keep 'Luke' alive that way?

Luke imagined that she would not take it lightly. She'd support his decision to keep Asch alive of course, but she would definitely scorn him for thinking that it's the only way to keep 'Luke' alive.

Well of course not. It's like admitting (again) that he had given up on living.

"It's just, he's so confusing. And I feel bad not being able to understand him... And now..."

Tear didn't change her expression. She just folded her arms and looked up to the moon.

"He's as confused as you are, I think."

… huh?

Luke blinked at Tear's words. Of course sometimes he thought of his original as unreasonable, but a confused person? Asch was very driven, and since the beginning his goals were very clear. How could he be confused if that's the case? As if understanding his confusion, Tear took a seat next to him, just like that time in Chesedonia, and started explaining patiently.

"He's not confused as to what his goals are, he's confused as to who he is, just like you were. I think he's torn between 'Luke' and 'Asch', unable to accept and reject both identities completely. At least, that's my opinion."

Now Luke was even more confused.

"But... But Asch is 'Asch'. He said it himself. He's not 'Luke' anymore."

There's no way Asch could be confused as to who he was if he's so adamant about it, right? But Tear just smiled knowingly.

"Did he really say that?"

"Yeah. Natalia kept on calling him 'Luke' in Belkend, and I think he was quite annoyed about it."

"I see. I wasn't there to hear that. Well then, can you answer me why he claimed that you're him?"

"That's..."

That's a very good question.

Asch hated him, and that's why he wanted to kill him. Everyone believed so, and so Luke decided that it must be the truth. But since the start, he's been claiming that Luke was him. Weird now that he thought about it, even though in the past he had thought that he and Asch were one and the same. Why would he claim that his filth of a replica was himself? Luke would understand if he calls him a tool, and he had actually said he just wanted to use him, but...

By that logic, Asch was calling himself a tool of himself. That didn't make sense at all.

Luke must have done a fair impression of fish out of water, with his mouth opening and closing as he denied possible answers before he could voice them, because Tear's smile changed to that of amusement. Finally, he groaned out of frustration, raked his hands through his hair and pouted.

"It's not good... It's too confusing..."

Tear giggled, and it made him blushed. His confused face must have looked very stupid.

"Be as it may, I think you're the only person who has the slightest chance in understanding him. And I've given you a clue. It'll come to you soon if you don't stop thinking."

"... You talk like you understand him," he commented, but Tear shook her head in disagreement.

"I know him the least. Guy and Natalia know him as childhood friend, Jade knows him as the victim of his invention, and Anise... Well, unlike me, she lives in Daath. She must know him although only through rumors, and there's no smoke without fire. Meanwhile, I don't know him at all beside the knowledge that he's one of my brother's underlings. That's why I can see him more objectively. But in the end, it's not understanding. It's analyzing. There's a difference."

There was...?

To understand, it's necessary to think, to analyze. And so, understanding was the same with analyzing, right? But Tear said it's different, and she's the wiser out of the two of them, so it must be true. Luke tried to find the difference between the seemingly similar term, but to no avail.

She stared at him, seemingly contemplating something before finally asking, "Do you like Asch?"

Luke really didn't know how to answer that.

Asch was... important. Without Asch, he wouldn't exist, and he owed him lots of things. Like his life for example. Asch could have killed him in Yulia City, but he didn't. So, what's he doing now could be seen as returning a favor for that. Luke supposed he could not care about him, he could use him until he burned out or simply drive him away from his fonslot, but he decided against it. It's not fair to do so. Besides, he's also Natalia and Mother's precious person, which in extension made him _his_ precious person. But, still...

"I... I don't know."

"Why is that?"

"I owe him a lot, and I really want the best for him. It's not fair otherwise. But... he tried to kill me. Twice. Thrice, if you count our fight in Yulia City although for some reason that's beyond me he didn't," not in Eldrant, it had been a proper duel like between Anise and Arietta, "And he tried to hurt _you_. Justified or not, I... He scares me."

Tear hummed in understanding.

"I see. So you do like him. Care about him too. Love him, even perhaps."

"Uhm, didn't you hear me? I said he scares me."

"Yes. Usually the younger sibling would be afraid of the older one, it's typical."

"Si-si-siblings?!"

She gave him a playful smile. "Well, yes. Or do you think you love him in another way?"

"No! Lorelei, NO! The one I like is..."

He couldn't blurt it out though. He had decided against it, even though he loved her so much...

Luke could feel his cheeks heating up, and if it wasn't for the darkness surely Tear could see that they were turning as red as his hair. Or perhaps she could tell, both his blush and his real feeling. Natalia and Guy aside, the others were becoming too skillful in predicting his thoughts and reaction. It's like Jade held a class for it, and knowing him it wasn't that much of a stretch.

She's outright giggling now, and it's making him feeling that much worse.

"I'm sorry. But jokes aside, I think most would think the way you do towards their older brothers. Miss Nephry towards Jade, me towards Van... We all feel the same thing. Fear, respect, gratitude... It's natural."

Something changed in her expression, Luke could tell. Even though she was joking about it, the topic was clearly weighting her mind. Tear was, after all, Van's little sister. If what she's saying was true then she must be afraid of the next day, of facing him. Her respect and gratitude also must be torturing her.

Made Luke wonder how much pain she must have gone through to be so determined on killing her own brother since the beginning.

She let out a sigh before standing up. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed first."

"Ah, okay, sure. Good night."

She started walking to the opened shaft, but before she descended she paused for a moment before letting out a sigh and turning around.

"Luke."

"Yeah?"

"Good luck."

* * *

After the melodist was gone, Luke dived back into his fonslot, Tear's words echoing in his mind.

"Tear said I think of you as a brother... But I have never had a brother before, so I don't know. Perhaps she's right," he said conversely, even though he knew that most likely Asch would not even realize him talking. But it's good. He'd beat him up if he ever caught him voicing the idea that they're like siblings.

Asch would not like that. A line had been drawn, Luke was merely a tool at best, punching bag at worst. At least, Luke thought that's how Asch thought of him. And he didn't mind really, because he wasn't capable of thinking for himself and he had owed Asch his whole life and existence.

Didn't mean he was willing to let him die though. No, even if that's what he wanted, Luke would not let him go that route. Not back then in Tower of Rem, not now, not ever. He may be afraid of dying, and he had thought that he'd be happy if Asch could die in his stead back then in Daath before the Tower of Rem incident, but it's wrong to let Asch die just because of it. That feeling back then was from him still thinking that he's 'Luke', and he wanted his competition to be gone. There can't be two 'Luke's, and back then he had wanted to be 'Luke', to stay in a place he was given. But it's wrong. He's not 'Luke'. He'd realized that now, thanks to his friends and that lovely realization that he's dying. Now it's time for him to make Asch realize that he's 'Luke', had always been 'Luke' and would always be 'Luke'.

Thinking back, how many months did it take his friends to convince him that he's not worthless, that he should live his life proudly (although not as obnoxiously) as before because his replica status didn't mean a thing, and that he's his own person? When he realized that they had been right it's all too late. Even so, Luke was sure that he'd run to sacrifice himself for Asch whether his self doubting had been resolved or not. After all, he owed him his life. He'd want to rescue him, not as a replica or his replacement, but as himself, as someone who wanted to rescue a precious person. Now, how long would be needed for him to convince the sleeping stubborn original of his that his way of thinking had been wrong and idiotic?

Hm, perhaps Tear had been right. Perhaps he did care about him, and so he must liked him to some degree. Though he wondered what's likable about his original. He's just a cranky grumpy annoyingly confusing person. Score knows what made Natalia loves him so much. Well, Luke admitted that his presence was comforting. He hoped he wasn't just fooling himself, but Asch's presence within him made him think that it wasn't too late to save him, and that he didn't condemn him to his death back then in the trap room.

He didn't regret beating him, it had been necessary to knock some sense into his stubborn original's head and even now Luke wasn't sure he succeeded in that. Frankly, he felt like he'd been tricked. Wasn't the fight was to convince Asch that he's more suited to battle Master Van? How did it end up exactly how Asch wanted it to be again?

"Well, no use crying over spilled milk, I guess."

What's important was that Asch was still alive, and that he wasn't too late. Dead person return to fonbelt, not enter another person's fonslot. Therefore, he's still alive and it's still possible to save him. Luke at least tried to convince himself that's the case.

Luke was reminded of Sword Dancer, a ghost that haunted the cursed sword currently in Anise's bag. Now that he thought about it, Asch's condition was similar to the ghost. Regret, unfinished business, and all those dark and depressing thoughts could be the ones keeping Asch alive and trapped within him, among other things. Asch seemed to know more about the real reason why he ended up in Luke's fonslot instead of returning to fonbelt, but if he didn't want to tell him then that's fine. The new found similarity between Asch and the vengeful ghost brought out hope for Luke. He'd be glad if Asch really was like the ghost, able to become stronger even after defeat, although he wouldn't want Asch to leave him after his regrets were dealt with.

"Regrets... Unfinished business... Well, there's the matter with Master Van, but... Could it be that Tear's right? Asch, are you having identity crisis? Is that what's keeping you?"

It's ridiculous, but not that shocking if it's true. The relation between the two was supposed to be simple. 'Asch' was born because 'Luke' was taken away. Because he's not supposed to be part of the Score anymore, he's just a remnant of his past self, 'Asch'. It should be just that. But then again, to the individuals in question it wasn't that simple. It took Luke months to really understand what his friends had been saying, while Asch had no one to teach him about the simplicity of the matter.

Asch was Asch, and Luke was Luke.

Despite their connection, that lone fact was the most important thing to keep in mind.

Although he did misunderstood that fact at first. Luke was not 'Luke', and no one expected him to be. He's just himself. He's an idiot for not realizing it sooner, and it had cost him his life.

As for Asch...

Unlike Luke who's conflicted between a life he shouldn't be living and emptiness (when really, it's not), Asch had to deal with two identities, one that was taken away from him and one that he was forced to accept. But if there's something that he had come to understand about Asch, it's that he saw 'Luke' as his most precious thing. 'Luke' was happiness, life full of laughter, love, and hope, and he's probably mad because it's taken away from him. And then, there's 'Asch'.

If 'Luke' meant happiness, then what of 'Asch'?

Charred Remains of Sacred Flame...

If his bitterness when Luke was inside him was any indication, then to him 'Asch' must be like ragged clothing beggars had to wear. Something that even himself knew was only garbage, dirty and torn, that had to be used to cover his broken shameful self. 'Luke' had been his core, and when it's taken, it reduced him to something that's less than a human. 'Asch' wanted to be used, to have a role in the world, to have meaning again. Perhaps that's why he went to Van, who might had seemed like the only one who needed and wanted him back then even though he could just return home and tell them all the truth. Or if that didn't work, he could have just sneak in again and kill his replica in his sleep. It's not like it would leave evidence, since as a replica Luke wouldn't leave a body behind when he died, and everything could return to normal again.

_'Why do I need to be 'Asch' when he wants to use 'Luke'?'_

Luke closed his eyes, and somehow he could imagine his original's young self asking himself that very question about his new life before deciding to ask the monster who had been the cause of his misery.

"... what did he say to you? Surely you asked him, right Asch?"

Luke let out a sigh before stroking his original gently. Most likely, Tear had been right. If Asch really did ask Van about it, or any of the other God Generals really, the answer must be far from enlightening. They weren't like Luke's friends, who really cared about him and wanted the best for him. Van's words, most likely sweet words and promises meant only to keep him controlled like puppet, must only confused him more.

'Asch' was needed, but it was 'Luke' that was wanted.

And Asch yearned for both.

If that's the case Luke doubted the words that his friends said to him, that he's his own self, would help Asch in his problem, since basically he had two selves and just as Tear said both didn't satisfy him.

"It must be painful, huh? All this time, you're still conflicted between two lives... and confused too. Well, at least I'm confused here..."

Because if it's true, then he must be wanting to get 'Luke' back again. But Asch denied it with all his might. That meant either Luke misunderstood, or there's something else that made him reject 'Luke'. Something in the past, something that must had happened during his hellish seven years.

Another sigh.

Apparently, if he wanted to really understand Asch, it's necessary to know about his past, to know the cause of his actions. Frankly, Luke didn't like that notion. Among a lot of things he found confusing, the top on the list was the reason Van replicated Asch in the first place, and everything that happened after that in extension was as confusing, if not more. To start with, there's that fact that Van wanted to use Asch for himself, and therefore to keep the rest of the world from knowing a replica was needed. But wasn't it too risky? Surely he knew the danger that could befall Asch, the risk of the original dying because of the data-extraction process. If Asch died, then who would he use then? It didn't make sense. There had to be something that made him so sure of Asch's survival. Granted, he could just create another replica, but all this time the idea of using replica's power seemed to repulse him. Weird, since he wanted to create a world filled exclusively with replicas, but then again, it's the impression Luke got from Van.

Unless...

A memory came to him, of the time he first met Van after his fall in Absorption Gate. He said something to Tear, about how he managed to stay alive in the core. Luke gritted his teeth in realization, the fonons surrounding him started to vibrate in respond to his rage.

"He sang for you, didn't he?!"

That's his guarantee! Just like how the hymns had saved Van from disintegrating, they also had possibly saved Asch from dying from the replication process!

That's what pained Asch in his sleep!

It wasn't the hymns exactly, but rather memory of them. The memory of a twisted version of the song, filled with malice and despair, being sung as he was replicated when he was still a child. His fear of them was basically the same as Guy's fear of women, fear of the memory of something that prevented them from dying even though they had embraced death. Although Asch's phobia was not something that could easily be realized. He's not exactly the type to falter, and the only time he ever get to hear the hymns again was when he's hunting mushroom for Mother along with Tear and the others, and back then he'd been too distracted with monsters and Mother's health to really notice the discomfort. Even if he did, he'd probably just shrug it off as worry. Like Guy, he probably didn't remember the traumatic event, and he probably didn't even realize he had phobia.

At least that's one question possibly answered. Luke had no way to prove it, he wasn't even present in the mushroom hunt, but Luke was quite sure of his epiphany at least. He buried his face to his hands and groaned in frustration. Great, just great. If it's really true then there's nothing he could do to stop Asch's pain. Stopping the pain would be as fruitful as trying to find a cure for Guy!

"... damn it... why must it be like this?"

Even though he didn't want to hurt him even more...

"Asch... What should I do?"

Of course, no one answered that question, and Luke could only hug his knees as guilt started to pile up in his mind, burying him until he couldn't breathe.


	3. Chapter 3

** ShiroAkari : thank you very much! Actually I find Asch confusing, not Luke, but then again I may not be able to grasp Luke's character still. And Jade's. Jade is hard to grasp, although I understand him somewhat. As for the your wondering... I don't plan on deviating from the game script, and you know what that means. ^^;; Poor Asch.**

**Speaking of which, I was mistaken. An error has been fixed on last chapter.**

**By the way, Natalia couldn't bring out 'Luke' out of Asch at all during their time together after Akzeriuth fell. Asch always outright denied his past, saying things like he's a new person now and yada yada yada along the lines of that. In Ortion Cavern, during the earthquake just before the POV switch to Luke again, Asch caught Natalia and save her from falling. In here I use his words in Japanese, not the translated ver, just to make it clear. **

**Asch : Something like this happened before, huh...**

**Natalia : That's right! ****I wanted to sneak out of the castle, so I jumped from a window...**

**Asch: That earthquake may have been southern Rugnica falling.**

**If you read the game script at /abyss/script80t_ , you'd notice the subtle yet significant difference. In here, Asch was referring to the earthquake, while Natalia got the impression he meant him saving her from falling. I usually think my interpretation makes more sense, because it fits his next line. You can interpret it anyway you like though.**

* * *

"I think now is way past your bedtime, Luke."

Luke let out a growl, his mood far from good.

"Leave me alone, Jade. I'm not a kid anymore."

"But you do. I'm sure your babysitter has said this, but seven years is hardly a teenager, let alone an adult," he purred teasingly before placing his gloved hand on Luke's head and ruffle his hair.

"Will you stop that?!"

"Ah, someone is in a bad mood tonight. And here I thought you'd be moping around since tomorrow we'll return to Eldrant. I see, you always surprise me. Well, if you're this energetic, I don't have to worry about anything, I suppose."

If Luke was in a bad mood, then Jade was being out of character. _Very_ out of character. He glanced at the Colonel suspiciously. He never thought Jade liked physical display of affection, and the fact that such act was done to him of all people baffled him. But then, he saw Jade's face a bit flushed, and when he sat next to him Luke was sure he could faintly smell the scent of alcohol.

"... Jade, are you drunk by any chance?"

"Not at all."

"But you did drink?"

"I don't see the problem. It's not like I'm underage. And I know my limits."

"Uh-huh... right. So, what do you want?"

Jade chuckled darkly, fixing his glasses as he did so, before poking Luke's cheek repeatedly as he gave his answer, making Luke wince at every jab.

"I want to scold you, since this is probably the last chance I have to do it. You've been a naughty boy, Luke. What did I tell you about your conditions? Surely you remember my order back in Daath. Tell. Me. Everything."

Crap.

He noticed?

"Yes. You're not exactly capable of hiding things. It's just impossible for you. I know Asch entered your body, and is probably still aware inside you. That's the only possible explanation for your newly acquired skill. I don't know why you choose to hide it, but I assume it's related to some sort of suicide mission you're planning which no doubt wouldn't be approved by anyone. Now spill it. "

Wow... drunk Jade don't hold back. Luke even flinched from his choice of wordings.

Suicide mission... well, it could be said that. But it's not, not really. That's one reason why Luke didn't tell the others, because they wouldn't approve. But Luke didn't need their approval. It's something he wanted to do, and he would make it work whatever the cost was. At the moment, it had seem to be that said cost was his life, but Luke didn't mind that. He had expected to die after all. It was just a bit surprising that there's a chance he didn't have to go down alone, but Luke didn't want to drag Asch down with him. He also didn't like the other less than appealing choice, refrain from using hyper-resonance ever again, use Asch, trap him within him forever and use his life force to survive.

His rage seeped out of him as he wondered how he thought up that choice in the first place. Apparently, there's still a part of him that wanted to be 'Luke'. He didn't like that thought one bit, but he supposed it's humane to think that way. At least he knew that it's wrong, and surely it would be forgotten soon, and thankfully he had enough sense to ignore such outrageous thoughts. Besides, beating Van without hyper-resonance was an impossibility.

Luke took a deep breath and exhaled, embracing himself for an argument. A pair of red eyes stared at Luke's face, a bit narrowed although Luke couldn't read his expression. Normal Jade had poker face that's intact most of the time, but drunken Jade was just... impossible to describe.

"Jade... You know... I won't probably last if I use another hyper-resonance, right?"

"Yes, but Asch's fonons can sustain you. Even now, you're getting better and better, no doubt because his fonon regeneration is making up with your fonon separation. It'll remain that way so long you don't use anymore hyper-resonance. But I figured you can't live with it. So what idiotic thought have you come up with?"

Luke blinked in surprise before his face turned into a frown. Perhaps it's true, even Luke realized he wasn't the sharpest tack in a bunch, but still it hurt when his thought was called idiotic.

"It's not idiotic," he mumbled, trying to bring Jade to understand.

"If it involves you refusing a chance to live, then it is idiotic."

"But-"

"It is idiotic, and don't you dare say otherwise," Jade said before Luke could reason with him, his tone harsh. Jade was angry. When Luke saw his face, he was reminded of the fight with Legretta in Deo Pass months before, the only time he ever saw Jade falter. Back then, although he wouldn't admit it, he was afraid of him. But for some reason, this Jade, who was also angry next to him, didn't scare him at all.

Ah, that's right. This Jade was different. This Jade was angry, but didn't disagree. This Jade didn't understand, but he wouldn't talk Luke out of it. Like he said, he only wanted to scold him, and know what's his planning. Perhaps even share some of his insights.

"... I'm sorry. You're right. I'm an idiot. I don't know any other way. I want to save him. I _have_ to save him. It's what's right."

"The dead do not return," not a rebuttal. Just an inquiry. Luke nodded, agreeing with him about that particular fact.

"Yes, that's why I'm sure he can still be saved. The dead go to fonbelt, not enter another person's fonslot. If it makes him a ghost to you, then so be it. But to me, he's still alive. My body won't last, but his body can still be fixed, just like the deformed corpses healers fix to make it presentable at funeral. As long as he's here, I know it's possible to return him to his body."

Jade didn't say anything in respond, seemingly deep in thought, and for some reason at that time Chesedonia's desert wind stopped, and the two males were engulfed in dead silence.

Perhaps that's why Luke could hear and feel it. The rhythmical beating of his own heart that's usually ignored, stronger than it had been for a while now, all thanks to Asch's fonons. Soon though, it would stop and his body would disintegrate into nothingness. Nothing could fix that. Best not to hope for the unattainable.

But then, Jade decided to shatter his hope into pieces.

"... and who do you think will heal him?" Jade asked him after a pregnant pause, distracting Luke from admittedly depressing thoughts that had started to form in his mind.

"Lorelei will," the answer was immediate. But perhaps a bit too soon. Jade raised an eyebrow at his answer, not missing the desperation no doubt.

"Very hopeful of you, to rely on someone," he paused for a millisecond there, and Luke got the impression that it's because Jade wasn't quite sure that the aggregate sentience of seventh fonon can be revered as a being in the first place, "who hasn't done anything but give you headaches."

"It's not like I can ask Natalia or Tear to heal him... Besides, Lorelei is more than capable to fix a body, right? I mean, he's the reason Master Van and Sync survived the core."

Jade let out a sigh.

"You do realize that Van's fonons were separating and so were Sync's. Their condition was more similar to yours than Asch's. The possibility of him fixing your body is higher than him fixing his."

His blank face and slightly widened green face suggested that Luke hadn't realized that. But Luke's expression turned resolute a second later, and he said with conviction that it didn't matter one thing.

"Whatever happens, I'm not letting Asch die on me," quite literally at that, "and really it doesn't matter which body Lorelei fixes. I'm returning Asch his life back, and that's final. I owe him, Natalia, and Mother that much."

"That's assuming Lorelei will fix a body at all."

Luke flinched at that, his mind filled with a torrent of dark thoughts and wishes and it made him choked.

That's right...

There's no guarantee at all that Lorelei would help him. He's not Tear or Van, he didn't know the meaning of the hymns. Even if he could sing all of them, there would be no effect. Lorelei wasn't tied in any pact at all with him. Sure, the duty to free him rested in Luke's shoulder, but it's just it.

Asch's body was broken, impossible to be used unless fixed properly, while Luke's was defective. With his fonon separation, it's on risk of disintegrating at any moment. Although the rate of the separation, as Jade had noted, had slowed considerably with Asch inside him with his regeneration making up with Luke's fonon separation, but it's not enough. Wouldn't be enough. Another hyper-resonance, and the balance would be off again, and Asch would die with him.

Asch...

Deep inside him, he was still sleeping, his face seemed almost peaceful. Almost, Asch was not someone Luke could relate to the word peace in any way but still it's better than his usual scowl. Before, Luke would be glad to see him like this, but now it was just heart-wrenching.

"You knew... didn't you? You knew there's nothing I can do from the start, didn't you?!"

If it's Asch, he would know. He had most probably realized that Luke was dying, information gathering was his specialty after all, so someway or another he would probably find out. Perhaps during the fight in the trap room. They were communicating then, not with words, but with their bodies after all. Each wounds both of them inflicted were more than enough to tell each other of their feelings and stories. If it's him, he would probably know what Luke was thinking from the start. And still he accepted his logic, just to humor him, just to keep him from feeling this dread, even perhaps. Just like back then in the trap room.

Why...?

"Why are you happy with this, Asch?! Are you an idiot or something?! Didn't you say you don't want to die?! You promised!"

How stupid, how idiotic...

But Luke realized he was even more idiotic.

He wished he could communicate with Lorelei, like Asch could before Lorelei's trapped. He wished he could try to find some sort of sign that he would grant his wish. He had wished for a lot of things since his journey started, and he knew that most of them were impossible to grant. But at least about this, about Asch, he wanted it to come true so badly it hurt when he realized that most likely it wouldn't.

"... Luke. Calm down and do try to breathe. It's not that much of a shock, is it?"

When he realized it, Luke had found himself once again being patted by Jade, tears streaming from his eyes. Like a child, Luke realized. He'd been acting like a child he really was. So naïve, so hopelessly stupid. He hadn't changed at all, still the idiotic naïve boy who was too dependent to get anything done right. Jade was right. It really was idiotic.

"You can't rely on something as abstract as Lorelei. He's unpredictable. His existence had been entirely theoretical despite the legends related to Yulia until just few months ago, and even now we still don't know anything about his nature. The Curtiss may be devoted family to the Order of Lorelei, but personally I find it hard to have faith on such being."

Luke nodded, but didn't say a thing. Jade's right, like he always had.

Lorelei had weakened.

In a way, it could be said that, but it's not exactly it either. More like, he tried not to be strong for the moment, and it made his power hard to assess, and thus he's unpredictable in a sense that there's a chance he wouldn't be able to do anything even after he's freed. Jade said he didn't know anything about him, but Luke was sure he had theories, and he didn't doubt that Jade thought of the same thing as he did.

Just like how Asch would sometimes groaned or mumbled Natalia's name (although it was in a battle, so it could be just Luke's imagination, because as a healer she got called a lot during battle and Luke himself called her multiple times to ask for Heal because Tear's Revitalize pained Asch) in his most pained state, Lorelei was probably the same. He's delirious, half asleep, perhaps in attempt to lessen the vibration in the core, and it probably what disrupt his connection to Luke. Of course, it's until Van trapped him in his body, but Luke wasn't sure if Lorelei had truly awaken despite his first success in relaying complete but unintelligible message to both Luke and Asch. Perhaps not. Lorelei loved Yulia, and despite his disagreement with Van's method to save the world, he's still Yulia's descendant. Some people would argue that it's due to Van's iron will that Lorelei hadn't destroyed him, but Luke didn't think so. Lorelei struggled, but not with all his strength, because he loved Yulia too much to want to destroy anything with the slightest connection to her.

Even so, there's high chance he had truly weakened now.

After all, seventh fonon exist because the six fonons and memory particles mutate in the core due to the Planet Storm, and now that Planet Storm had been stopped, seventh fonon wouldn't get created again. With every passing second, every artes performed, every machine operated, the fonons in the atmosphere were dissipating. Even if Lorelei could regenerate, Luke doubted that his regeneration could make up the amount of seventh fonon that's used for artes and machines. Sooner or later, he would 'die', Van didn't really need Asch's power to kill him.

If Lorelei had became powerless... then, Asch will...  
"Then... I won't use hyper-resonance again. And after it's all over, I'll wake him up and give this body's control to him."

Jade let out a sigh at his words, but didn't bother pointing out the flaw of that plan. Luke himself had realized that it's impossible to defeat Van without hyper-resonance. He's just being stubborn and unreasonable, just like a child.

"...I must admit, I never take you as the devoted type. At least, not to Asch."

"..."

"And here I thought Guy must have lectured you about him. Namely, do not trust him completely and be careful when dealing with him. Or didn't he?"

"... he didn't, but I get your point."

"I see. Well, as long as you understand."

Luke shook his head and hugged his knees as the dread assaulted him again.

"No...I... I still don't understand anything about him. I know what made Guy so suspicious of him, but I can't explain it! I don't know why he stopped wanting to kill me! Not that I'm not glad or anything, but it's weird!"

Guy didn't have to say anything, Luke knew what bothered Guy ever since Akzeriuth fell. He had seen Guy's expression and heard his cold words when Asch was involved after all.

It's his bloodlust.

At the beginning, Asch was a monster who only thirsted for Luke's blood. It's obvious remembering the murder attempts he did ever since that first meeting in Tartarus. Guy, being a kind protective person he was, couldn't help not to get suspicious when he meet him in Yulia City after Akzeriuth fell, like a completely different person. The bloodlust had been suppressed, his hatred still palpable but no longer a threat, and the bloodthirsty killer had been replaced by a capable soldier.

Another mystery of Asch that Luke still couldn't explain.

Luke could guess what stopped him from killing his replica after he synchronized their fonslots though. It was probably Van's words in Katzbert Ferry, the words he used to hypnotize Luke. Asch claimed that he realized Van's plan after his attack in Kaitzur, and synchronized their fonslots to use Luke to stop Van, but Luke doubted he's telling the truth. Sure, the hyper-resonance incident in the ferry could be seen his attempt to stop Van, and there was a chance he was just testing the extent of the newly opened connection (which was why Luke didn't include this in his earlier conversation with Tear), but knowing Asch, it'd be more like him to decide to synchronize their fonslots just so he could kill his replica from afar after being disturbed twice in a row. He was probably planning to kill him with hyper-resonance, along with the ferry and everyone in it. Van was just collateral damage, someone who just happened to be in the hyper-resonance destruction range.

But Van stopped him.

It'd be nice if he only did just that though.

_'When I order you to release your power, you will open every fonslot in your body and unleash a hyper-resonance.'_

Luke cringed at the memory.

Asch's control took inconsiderable strain on Luke's body, and in the ferry he almost fainted from it. Van took that chance to plant a suggestion on Luke, and there couldn't be better clue to his plan to destroy Akzeriuth than those words. Asch must had heard those words, since back then he was in his body. Between those words, his order to get Ion opens up Daathic Seals, and his destiny according to Score, the possible conclusions were not many.

It made more sense if he decided to go against Van due to those words, even if he hadn't been able to see the whole picture. There hadn't been any mentioning of creating replicas after all. And since Asch stopped trying to kill him since then, it made the possibility of it being the true reason instead of information he so conveniently found during the day before Luke arrived in the Naval Port very high. Who was he fooling anyway? Luke knew his original specialized in finding information, and according to Tear he'd been suspecting Van for a long time, but there's no way he could find information about Van's plan to destroy the land that quickly from people who didn't trust him at all. Probably what he found was information about Van messing up Sephiroth Tree in Shurrey Hill, and probably at first he had no idea what exactly that imply. Only after finding out that Van wanted the land to fell that Asch realized that he was planning to drop St. Binah and Engeve after Akzeriuth.

Yes... For sure now, Asch... after the incident in the ferry, it was then when he really started to think to use his replica. He did use him to stop Van from opening up more Daathic Seals by telling him about Ion. Him controlling his replica in Chesedonia was also understandable, after all Luke was someone who took his place. Wanting to hurt him was to be expected after he had decided that his replica couldn't be killed.

He could understand up until that point.

But Luke still couldn't explain why Asch didn't kill him after the Score was fulfilled in Yulia City, and why he stopped trying to kill him altogether even after Luke lost his value when Akzeriuth fell.

Instead, he took him to his psyche, included him in his investigation, and trusted him with the matter of falling land when he went after Van. When everyone had given up on him, abandoning him, Asch was the only one who was not.

The first person who accepted him, the good for nothing failure, was the one person who wanted him dead.

It's so contradictory.

"Ah yes, I must admit, that's rather odd of him to not kill you after Akzeriuth. One reason why some of us," not Natalia, she loves Asch too much to doubt him at all, and Anise just followed after Ion, who's not really a suspecting person, "doubted his intention at the beginning," Jade mused.

"... it's not just it."

"There's more that you're concerned about?"

Luke nodded solemnly.

"There's the matter of his rejection to 'Luke', to his past. Jade, he wanted to kill me because he hates me. He hates me because I'm the replica who took his place, right?! That means... at the beginning, he still hasn't moved on, right? He wanted to kill me because he wanted to exact revenge and return, right?"

"It's the plausible conclusion, yes."

That's right...

His murder attempts made sense because it's what expected of 'Luke' who wanted to regain his place. It means at the beginning of their meeting, Asch hadn't rejected 'Luke'. If memory served, Asch only started rejecting 'Luke' during his time with Luke's friends after Akzeriuth fell. Natalia kept on reminding him of old promises and childhood memories, and while he responded to them, he would always outright deny them. Those memories had lost their meaning, and those promises had been tied to another person.

Poor Natalia.

Luke couldn't forget Natalia's face in Ortion Cavern just before Asch returned him to his body. There was an earthquake, and Asch saved Natalia from falling. He mused that something similar had happened before, and she happily thought that he finally, for the first time ever, admitted that he still hold those memories of their time together dearly, that 'Luke' hadn't really died. Her expression when she realized that Asch was talking about the earthquake from his next line was one of the most heart-breaking thing Luke had ever seen in his short seven years of life.

But, Natalia had been right.

He claimed that the 'Luke' in him died when he was kidnapped, but it couldn't possibly be true. He wouldn't try to kill his replica if it's the case. And clearly he still felt tied to his promises and memories. He wouldn't save Natalia in Baticul, he wouldn't comment that she did a good job fulfilling their promise, and he wouldn't encourage her by reciting their vows in Sheridan if that's not the case.

So then...

"I'm mistaken... His reason to reject 'Luke' wasn't in his seven years with Van. It happens sometimes after his attempt to control me in Chesedonia and before he started to deny 'Luke' in Belkend... But! What happened in between, the only possible cause that I could think of is the fall of Akzeriuth!"

Asch wanted 'Luke' to live, and because he idiotically thought that he couldn't be 'Luke' anymore, he pushed his replica into the role of 'Luke'. And if Luke's logic was sound, then the cause of his rejection was the fall of Akzeriuth. It fits, since after Akzeriuth fell he stopped attempting to kill his replica, to kill 'Luke', but Luke just couldn't get it.

So weird, so confusing.

Akzeriuth's fall proved to everyone that replica Luke was just a good for nothing failure, and Asch should be the person most insulted by it. It should have given him an idea of how unsuitable his replica was to take such important role. It'd be more logical for him to kill his pathetic excuse for a replica and reclaim 'Luke', so that his name wouldn't be further tainted.

"I don't get it... why would Akzeriuth make him reject 'Luke'? Why would he start to accept me as his replacement because of it? It should be the opposite! It should make him want to kill me! It should make him want to regain his place even more! "

Jade blinked once before fixing his glasses and folding his arms.

"I suppose you raise valid points."

The next was somewhat understandable. Asch's constantly angry state was most likely due to his frustration that his replica couldn't meet up with his expectations as to how 'Luke' should be. Too depressed, too reckless, too repentant... Too many faults to count, but what angered him most was that his replica didn't have enough pride.  
_'Why can't you say you're superior?!'_

Luke wanted to say the same to him.

He wanted to yell at him using his own words, because Asch, despite being a proud bastard he was, just couldn't stop deprecating himself. And Luke would. He'd yell at him for it later when he convinces him. Him and his original were rather alike, even if he was reluctant to admit it. Perhaps that's why Tear said he would understand Asch soon if he doesn't stop thinking.

To Luke's surprise, Jade stood up and brushed non-existence dust off his clothes. His green eyes followed his movement in confusion.

"As I said, I'm not good in psychology. I'll leave the thinking to you. If you're stuck, you can always ask Guy~"

"Jade, this is serious!"

"Yes, I know it is. Trivial, unimportant, but still serious matter for you," he said with a chuckle.

"Do you know, Luke, that when people sleep, the fonons that make up their consciousness leave their fonslots and go to another slot in the brain which is still being researched, and that it's what enables you to dream?"

It was out of nowhere, so Luke just blinked once before shaking his head and grimaced.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Just thought that an idiot like you must have not consider how you would talk and convince Asch, whom you said is sleeping inside you. So I guess I just want to tell you before you start to freak out again one possible way to speak to him," he chuckled once more, probably because he found Luke's horror stricken face so amusing, before continuing his explanation.

"Theoretically, when your body sleep, both of you should enter that place, thus giving you shared dream. Of course, there's a lot of downside, like the fact that it's a dream, so you may not remember anything about it when you wake up, but I suppose you're not that much of an idiot to not consider how to wake him up. Tear's hymns, I take it?"

Luke nodded in confirmation, and Jade just hummed in acknowledgment.

"Yes... it's the most logical solution. Well then, I suppose I've said what I want to say. This is your problem, and I do not approve what you're doing. I want you to remember Luke, none of us wants you dead, and that includes Asch, if what you're thinking is true. That means, if you somehow manage to give your life for Asch, all of us would forever curse you for it. I hope you're prepared for it. If you're looking for a way, please try to find it so that both of you can survive."

"Jade... I-"

"Also," he said, cutting off Luke before he could say another word, "please try to rely on _people_ more."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for putting up with this incredibly slow paced fic. I'll work hard to finish this as soon as possible.**

**The theories about everything here (the characterization, the laws of the world and other whatnots) is what I thought off myself based on the convos from the game only. That is to say, I do not put any of extra materials into account. Don't tell me, 'this person is actually like this, based on the anime, interviews, manga, and other source you can think of', I wouldn't be able to respond. Although do point it out if you can base it from the game. Well, that and from Tsuioku no Jade, but unlike in that manga, I set so they fight Nebilim after Asch's death and the group never met good JC in Grand Chokmah before they fight Nebilim. I will use him, and I'll use my interpretation of the laws of fomicry from that manga too, but don't think I've used it in this chapter.**

**And do remember that this is a fanfic. With many POV. Someone's thought might be unthinkable or differently interpreted by another.**

**Anyway.**

**Has anyone noticed that when Asch fell from the sky to Luke's arms in Eldrant, the two swords that should still stuck in his body were gone already?**

**Has anyone noticed that according to Tsuioku no Jade, Nebilim's rank is the same with Asch's current one? That is one scary position. Demonic and Bloody... **

**I made this along with two other future chapters, because inspiration for those future scenes can't stop coming. **

* * *

"... Rely... on people?"

Luke stared at him incredulously, and Jade somehow found himself compelled to explain further. How odd. Perhaps it's due to the alcohol. He puzzled over the strange feeling for few seconds before letting out another sigh, it was already the umpteenth time that night, and elaborated to the red head.

"Not exactly so. I mean if you have to put your faith in something, then place it in something certain. Nothing is more certain than your own self, but if you can't, then rely on those who certainly wouldn't betray you. For you, those people are the ones traveling with you. "

Like Asch.

Clearly, he trusted Luke more than anyone. Sure, Luke frustrated him, angered him, disappointed him, but still he trusted him. Like in mushroom hunt, when he trusted Luke to give the mushrooms to his mother, or in Baticul when Natalia was in danger. He trusted Luke to get her to safety. In the end, about the Jewel too, he trusted that even with him gone, Luke could find it and free Lorelei in his place. Nothing is more certain than your own self, and Asch had seen his replica as 'Luke', as himself.

Although there was that palpable contempt...

It's what's peculiar about Asch.

He rejected and accepted his replica at the same time.

And apparently, Luke had started to realize this.

He also raised a point Jade never thought about before.

Van saw replicas as replacements, so Asch, who had been with him for years must be affected. He saw replicas the same way Van did. And there's his victim mentality, the mindset that he's right, and he's suffering from the injustice done to him.

A bit similar to the original Ion, actually.

Ion cursed the fact that he's going to die. That's why he had Van made him replicas, replacements, because that way he would still be able to live. It's wrong that he had to die. One way or another he'd make sure 'Ion' lived.

Asch was the same.

Or perhaps it's not quite right either.

They affected each other, Ion got his idea from seeing Asch, and Asch got his from seeing him. To be exact, Ion saw the continual of 'Luke''s existence despite the real Luke not able to live that life anymore. The fact that it's due someone else's design and destroyed Asch didn't register, because it didn't matter. Asch had already became trash, and no one ever cared about trash.

What mattered was that he could get what he wanted, to stay 'alive'. He could correct the wrong that was his predicted death that way.

Asch saw him. Asch saw his replica, how 'Ion' still lived through that replica and he wanted the same thing.

Asch accepted Luke as his replacement, as the real 'Luke', because he couldn't be one anymore. Because he misunderstood about the fonon emission effect that would lead to the big bang, and he thought he's going to die. First, he got reckless because he wanted to finish up everything before it could happen, but in the end he decided that he truly wanted 'Luke' to live, and it's his replica's duty as his replacement to live as 'Luke'. It's the only way to right the wrong, the only way for Luke to compensate him for his existence. He wouldn't accept it any other way. At least, it's what Jade had originally thought.

That's why, Luke's admission that he thought Asch had accepted him since the fall of Akzeriuth surprised him a bit. Asch hadn't known about the emission effect during that time. That means, what he thought about him could be mistaken.

How rare was it for him to have his eyes opened by Luke of all people.

He wanted his replica to be 'Luke', that notion was certain, but it could be not because he felt victimized. Because at first, the wrong he was trying to correct was the existence of his replica. That's why he attempted to kill him. After he found out about the fonon emission effect, the wrong became 'Luke''s death, and he wouldn't let that happen. Even so, the cause of his acceptance before he found out was still unclear.

Luke realized this. He got confused because of it. He became a mess because of it. Well, to be fair the fact that he couldn't think up a way to save him probably weighted his mind more, but still it's one reason why Luke was a mess right now.

Reason... but not the cause...

To Asch, him being dying, having victim mentality, and all that might be reasons to why he wanted Luke to take his place, but if what Luke said was true, that he started to reject his old life ever since Akzeriuth, then it couldn't be the cause.

To know the cause would be close to impossible, Jade wagered.

Because, there's no way the person himself ever told anyone about it, and so the only way to find that out was to analyze him. Analyzing a person was not something Jade liked to do. People perceive things differently, so even if he did manage to analyze someone, the result would not be generally acceptable. And it's hard to provide proof for someone's way of thinking, because sometimes something so trivial and silly could cause stress beyond imagination, which in extent could cause said person to do something incredibly stupid and dangerous. And then there's the chance that said person just do stupid things just for the heck of it. There's the difficulties from the person analyzed, and then there's from the person doing the analyzing. Subjectivity was a nasty thing. Different people could see different causes to one's action. It could also block judgment. Something so obvious could end up unseen just because the observer thought 'It can't possibly be true.' That's why, analysis of a person usually done by a complete stranger, to avoid subjectivity.

Be as it may, unconsciously at least, people from his group must have analyzed Asch. Even Jade could guess what they came up with.

Anise saw him as mysterious soldier who always charged into things.

Natalia saw him as her childhood friend, and also someone she loved dearly. Someone who would always keep his word.

Tear saw him as Van's underling first and foremost, although she seemed to have changed that view.

Guy saw him as a victim, whether it's from Van's scheme and whatever it was he did to him when Asch was still 'Luke'.

Jade himself saw him as a victim of fomicry.

Even so, their view of him couldn't be objective as they knew him to some extent. Jade himself wasn't sure he had seen Asch objectively.

It's the same with how he thought he had seen the true Gelda Nebilim, even if the truth was that he's not even close.

Perhaps Tear was the one who could see him most objectively, as she was the one who had the least connection to Asch. She didn't know him as a soldier, as 'Asch', and as 'Luke', and thus didn't have any idea as to what's possible or impossible for Asch to be. Which would explain why she didn't hesitate on coming with him to confront Van back then.

Speaking of didn't hesitate to deal with him...

There was another person who did, wasn't it? Even though Asch had most likely done terrible things to him, he still went to him for help. He trusted him, probably the result of his analysis depict him not as enemy. If it's him, Jade wouldn't be surprised if he could see Asch's reasons behind everything, because he's such a bright child, brighter than anyone Jade knew.

Ion.

The seventh replica Ion.

Ion knew Asch from the beginning. He had to have known. He wouldn't know that Luke is a replica otherwise, and Jade was sure he was hiding that fact ever since the first meeting in Cheagle Woods. And he had him figured out too, because he wouldn't trust him otherwise with something important that would lead to disaster if it ever leaked to Van.

So then... what did he see him as?

Something simple perhaps, something who acted similarly to another special someone of his.

Same with his original, but with different reason.

A trash.

Harsh but logical.

Because in a way, he's very much like Sync. Although Ion must be trying hard to disregard that view, Jade didn't think Ion could see him as anything but. Because, Sync couldn't see himself as anything but trash. Jade didn't doubt that until the end Ion tried to save him though, to find a way to stop him to think that way. Sync at least, because he's one of his important people, replica created from the same data as he was. Although he's a kind boy, so perhaps the same could be said about Asch too.

Six people. Six views. All subjective.

But in an experiment, the result depended on the subjectivity of the ones conducting it. Like replica Nebilim. Jade saw her as a failure, Dist saw him as incomplete, and the general population saw her as a killing machine. They all true.

So in that logic, all views of Asch must also be true. He's all of them at the same time.

A soldier.

A loyal noble.

An enemy.

A victim.

Trash.

For what's to come, it shouldn't matter however. Because Asch was supposed to be dead, and the only person who thought otherwise didn't want that fact to be known. Not until he could save him, at least. But Jade felt it necessary for Luke to understand Asch, because as he had reasoned it's one cause of him being messed up at the moment. Even when he's sure that Lorelei would heal his original, Luke had been so distracted, it affected his battle performance. When he was fighting Nebilim, he tried to rely on Natalia as his main support instead of Tear, and it's very dangerous to rely on someone he's not used to fight with who's also quite distracted herself. Jade didn't know if he avoided Tear because he's afraid her hymns would cause something to Asch, or if he's afraid her hymns wouldn't affect Asch at all, the reality that Asch distracted him from battle stood.

All matters regarding Asch had to be settled before the battle against Van, or else Luke would be beaten in a heartbeat.

At least for the moment, the thing about how to save him seems to be resolved. He seemed so determined to do it, although Score knows how he's planning to defeat Van without using hyper-resonance. Another reason why he's such a mess right now, Jade supposed.

Jade studied Luke, still looking as confused as ever, and hoped that the clues he's going to give him would be enough.

"Obviously, no one would help you in your foolish mission to give yourself up for Asch, and I'm sure Asch himself would not accept your suggestion just like that, but at least in your attempt to understand him I suppose, help is easier to obtain."

"... I can't get help in that. It wouldn't be understanding if I just ask what the others think of Asch."

What do you know? He's becoming bit more mature if he knew that.

"It's not wrong but not exactly correct either. Let me tell you about science, Luke. If you want to understand something, you have to know it first. It's the point of every research, to find out things you _know_ you don't know. You want to understand Asch, then you have to research him. Thinking comes next. Gather all you can find out about him, and then only after you can't find anything more you connect everything by thinking. How do you research him? You ask those who know him."

Luke blinked once, his face showing his confused state of mind before he nodded in agreement.

"That's... that made sense."

"Of course it does. And I suppose I should tell you why your logic failed you in your attempt to find a way to save him. You, Luke, are human. Humans have this amazing ability to not think up things not suitable to their taste. I didn't have to tell you why Lorelei most likely wouldn't fix his body, you already know it, but your mind chose to ignore it."

"... huh?"

"I don't like repeating myself, Luke. And surely you've learned your lesson. If you want to bring your mind to consider those ignored things, you need someone else to make you realize them. By that logic, you don't really take their opinion into consideration. You only use them to force your mind to consider things you unconsciously ignore."

His face turned blank as the suggestion sank into his mind. Didn't bother to confirm if Luke had really understood or not, Jade turned and headed to the inn. He was clearly drunk. He never knew he could talk that much, and gave that much advice.

He's getting attached.

As a scientist, it's not right to feel attached.

But then again, Luke was not just the subject of his observation. By his own admission, since Lorelei-knows-when, he had seen him as a friend. An irreplaceable companion.

"I'm sorry, Luke..."

And he just lied to him.

Perhaps that's why he felt compelled to help him, besides the fact that he really hated Van's guts for using fomicry to screw the world (like Asch, he knew he wouldn't hate him that much if fomicry wasn't involved) and would hate it if Luke was too distracted to land a blow at him, because he also felt bad for having to lie to Luke.

Although, he didn't actually lie. He just didn't tell the truth.

Because... whatever he did, the end result would not change. Even if Luke did nothing, the end result would be just like what he wanted. But Luke was right, in a way that if nothing was to be done before that effect took place, then Asch couldn't be saved.

The effect couldn't be stopped, just as Dist said.

The exact end was not yet known, because Luke was the first perfect replica he encountered who had his fonslots synchronized with his original, but Jade's best guess was that Luke's body would disintegrate just because he's a replica. How he (and the three Ion replicas) could last much longer than the replicas he used for experimentation in the past was beyond even Jade. Add to the fact that Luke fonons stability was even more disturbed from that stunt he did in Tower of Rem. Luke could survive this long was nothing short of a miracle. True, Asch being there inside him helped in preventing said disintegration, but in the end the replicas always disintegrate, perfect replicas included.

His fonons would return to Asch, and Asch would be revived. Or not, because according to Luke he's still alive. Perhaps awaken, was a better term?

Jade didn't know if Luke would die or not because of it though. It didn't matter, Jade supposed. Because Asch's body was broken, and he wouldn't survive long with swords still stuck on his body. He'd die immediately after he's awaken, Luke along with him if his replica would really end up inside him.

"This would be the last experiment I do to you, so please forgive me."

But human mind was a powerful thing, so he had hoped he could fool Luke into thinking that it's possible for him to stay alive using Asch's life-force. If he believed it, then there's a possibility that the effect would be canceled, or at least delayed. It's fine if he decided to give his body to Asch, as long as he's still there, not yet return to fonbelt, then he could save him. Perhaps even the two of them.

Surely... surely...

Surely the thing he had thought up could work, if only he was given time and opportunity to try it out.

"Eh, Colonel, what are you doing standing in front of the door like that? You're blocking the way."

"Ah, Anise~ Just the girl I'm looking for~ I thought you'd be in your room, sleeping like a good girl?"

"I just got back from the town hall, Aston helped me fixing Tokunaga. I was just about to go sleep."

The twin-tailed girl stared at him suspiciously.

"Colonel, are you drunk?"

"Nonsense. I know my limits."

"But you did drink?"

"I was just about to head downstairs and drink more~ Come now, Anise, you're sounding just like Luke. I assure you I'm of age, and I won't have hangover and hinder you all tomorrow. And it's not like you haven't seen me drinking before."

She raised an eyebrow and studied him, but in the end, she merely shrugged.

"I see. Well, if you say so. So, you were looking for me?"

"Ah yes, I knocked, but no one answered. I'm sure Tear is inside though, so she could be sleeping already. I'd like you to do me a favor, Anise. Can you please get these messages delivered as soon as possible? I'd like it if this one reaches Spinoza tomorrow, actually. The other one to Grand Chokmah, but I suppose to have it arrived by next day is impossible for now."

"That fast!?"

"I'm sure Spinoza's in Belkend at the moment, and with the bridge, it's not an impossible request, is it? And it's not like I'm asking you to deliver it personally."

She eyed the letters on Jade's hand for few seconds, glancing up to meet Jade's crimson eyes, before nodding once and took it uncertainly.

"Thank you, Anise. I'll make sure to pay you handsomely for this."

The girl frowned, not minding the pun Jade just used.

"Colonel, you can just do it yourself."

"Yes, but you see, my aching joints and all. I'm not sure I can walk all the way to the post office myself," he answered with his usual smile. "Also, I'm not sure I can threaten the mailman as well as you can to get moving immediately even though dawn is still let's see... five hours away."

That, and he wasn't sure he could have the letter meant for Spinoza sent without alerting Kimlascan force, with him being part of Malkuth army and all. If that happens, then Malkuth would be alerted, and if they found it it's related to fomicry, then it would be all over. At least Anise as member of Order of Lorelei could get more leeway.

"... by tomorrow, you meant at dawn?!"

"If possible, I'd like it to arrive at this moment, but my communication device has yet to be completed. Now, chop chop!"

"Ugh, fine fine. But you owe me an explanation! You'll tell me what's up or I'll run back to the freaking mailman and read the letters myself. In front of the others. See if you'll like it."

"Of course. You know where to find me. If you can get back before I pass out from intoxication though."

She grimaced and stuck out her tongue before running away from the inn.

She'd be back in less than half an hour.

With that thought in mind, Jade entered the bar with a smile, his mind already working on the good-night story he'd tell the little girl.

A story about relation between two very similar misunderstood people who can't live with each other, but at the same time can't live without each other. A story with ending that had yet to be determined.

If luck was on Luke's side, perhaps instead of being lulled to sleep...

* * *

Meanwhile, Luke was stunned.

After Jade left, he stayed still, his green eyes kept on focused on the spot where Jade had stood in, pretty much like a statue. Inside his mind, thoughts were swirling around like the wind on the desert.

Clock's ticking.

Soon, the sun would come up, and he'd have to go.

The conversation with Jade made him realize there were still so much to do.

Understanding Asch was no longer a luxury he could try to attain as he kills time, it's becoming a necessity. At first, he just wanted to find out what could possibly pained him, and if possible a way to prevent that. He found it, but it was almost impossible to prevent. When he was thinking about that though, Jade made him realize one very depressing fact.

There might be no one who could and would fix both his and Asch's body.

He had decided that it didn't matter. He'd bring him back to life whatever the cost was. And he had found a solution. To achieve that solution would be without a doubt difficult, but certainly possible.

Or so he hoped.

He couldn't possibly hope to beat his teacher without hyper-resonance alone, but the others would be there with him. The others would support him. Like Jade said, he could rely on them. He had known that from the start.

The problem was the solution itself might not be preferable to Asch. Rather, he could imagine Asch claiming he'd rather drop dead than to resort to that solution. Asch hated him. He hated every fiber of his being. That being said, there's no way Asch would like to keep on living by using his replica's defective body.

Luke's body was disintegrating, and the only thing ensuring that it wouldn't completely disintegrate anytime soon was that Asch's fonon regeneration was making up with its disintegration. That being said, two person's fonon regeneration was necessary to keep the body intact. Which means if one of them died, then the balance would be lost and it'd disintegrate. If Luke use hyper-resonance, the disintegration would also be hastened, and the balance would be lost. It's a fragile thing.

He could hope that Asch wouldn't notice, but still he would certainly notice. Or perhaps, he had noticed. The latter was even more plausible because he's Asch and he always knew about stuffs, usually before he was even informed.

Also...

Putting the fact that Asch would not like to use a defective body aside, Luke was more afraid that he wouldn't accept living in a replica's body. Asch hated fomicry. The solution for the miasma problem, making up for the lack of seventh fonon by sacrificing the replicas, came to him naturally even without Jade having to tell him and Luke didn't doubt that it was the first thing that came to his mind. Although he was quite civil and admittedly caring towards Ion... Kind, as Anise put it. But it could be because he just didn't know that Ion was a replica.

Asch hated replicas.

It's either that, or he simply hated _his_ replica.

Either way, Asch wouldn't like it one bit.

And it's only because of the matter with the body.

How he would react when he realized that he had to share consciousness with his most hated replica... not even Luke could imagine. Luke wasn't sure Asch would be willing to accept those less than pleasant nature of his resurrection, even if it is for 'Luke''s sake. The fact he's currently docile inside Luke was surprising too. But Asch always had his priorities straight, and he never hesitated in helping the group, and in extension his replica, if it meant having his goals reached. Receiving help was another matter altogether, apparently, because he's such a prideful bastard. Currently said goal was defeating Van though, so perhaps he'd only start trashing around later after he's beaten.

If he's beaten.

Luke shivered at the thought of a certain cranky grumpy annoyingly confusing person that was his original giving him hell for it in after-life. He forced himself to change his mindset, to avoid using the word 'if' in anyway possible. Negative thinking had never done him any good.

"But still... It's like I'm aiming for the rotten fruit on top of a branch-less tall tree to force-feed you after I wake you up with boiling water..."

Even Luke didn't like the sound of it. Even so, he had to snap out of it and try to think positively.

At least about the first part, about achieving the requirement for this solution, which was to defeat Van without hyper-resonance, he had to believe that it'd really come true. Even so, the second part, about waking Asch up with the hymns, which would undoubtedly pained him, and forcing him to accept his replica's body as his own were almost impossible to be seen as positive in just about any angle possible, at least in Asch's eyes.

For Luke, it's good as long as his original could live.

That's why, Asch had to understand that despite how bad it sounded, it's the best for him. And so, Luke had to understand him.

Tear and Anise once told him that if he wanted to force someone, namely Asch, to do something, he had to find his own purpose first. He had. He wanted Asch to return home as 'Luke', so he could really be seen as his own person. But it wouldn't be enough. Asch had to understand, or it wouldn't work out. He didn't need to just return, he had to realize that it's the right thing and the best thing for him, and that he deserved it, or he wouldn't be happy at all even if it's what he really wanted. If Luke had to find his own purpose first before he force someone else to do something, then by the same principle he had to understand first before he force someone else to follow his logic.

Then, he had to make sure Asch accept the less than pleasant conditions of his revival. Like, he couldn't use anymore hyper-resonance (not that he used it much anyway, unlike Luke who used it quite often as an arte, because it's simply too powerful) and he had to bear having his most hated replica in his psyche and not kill him by kicking him out of his psyche, because at the moment they couldn't live without each other. It sounded so cheesy, but it's the literal truth. The body would start to disintegrate again without one's fonon regeneration.

There's also the necessity of telling him what the hymns could cause him...

There's so much to say, and Luke had his mind working hard to figure out exactly what to say to him. But nothing came up. He didn't know how to say anything to Asch, because he was not qualified yet to convince him. He couldn't possibly hope to make him understand, not now when he still couldn't understand Asch.

Which brought him to problem number two. Or is it three now, since how he would beat Van without his most powerful arte was a problem in itself?

He couldn't understand Asch, and according to Jade it's because he didn't have enough information. He had to gather data first, and the only way to do that was to ask people around him about Asch. Perhaps not Natalia. After all, being reminded of him would only depressed her even more, and Luke couldn't do that to her. Tear had given him her views, and Jade had too, even if not explicitly. So then, that left Guy and Anise.

Perfect actually. Guy should know about Asch when he was still a child, and Anise should know about Asch during the seven years he spent with Van.

Even though he wouldn't have to talk to Guy about Asch, if only he could just remember what people in the manor said about him. He got compared a lot in the past, didn't he? He used to hate those stories. To be compared with his past self before the kidnapping (when actually it's a completely different person, but no one knew that back then) was very annoying, but those stories were important.

To move ahead, we can't look back. But sometimes it's necessary to trace back our step when we hit a wall. Luke realized that now.

He should have listened. He should have remembered. If only he did, he wouldn't have to be this worried. He would have less to find out and think about. His past self was really troublesome, and not only other people feel bothered by it. Somehow thinking about that was a bit depressing.

But now, it's no use.

He had to rely on people now. He had thought that to understand Asch, it's necessary to know about his past, and hearing it from people who knew about him was the easiest way to achieve that, perhaps even the only way to achieve that, but still he didn't want the fact that he's going to sacrifice himself again for Asch to be known. That's why he didn't think about asking them in the first place, and it's the reason why Jade's suggestion sounded unreasonable at first. Now, he needed to ask them immediately before they go to bed, but he didn't know how to ask them without arousing suspicion. Tear said it's natural for him to think of Asch, but it's certainly unnatural to think about how Asch lived his life before he met his replica. Luke had killed a lot of people, a fact that he's not proud of, and each and every time he thought about them it's always about the life they could have had if only they weren't killed, their robbed future, and the others always try their best to snap him out of those thoughts. He didn't know how to brought it up to them about Asch's past, something so different than usual, and how to make them willing to talk about it with him.

But, as he tried to think about those problems at the same time, his mind became muddled and nothing came up at all.

And then he started wondering if it's really possible to save Asch.

And then...

"Ah, here you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

Guy's voice broke his trance, and Luke yelped in surprise.

He really didn't know if he's blessed or cursed. His heart and mind weren't ready yet for any sort of talk with him! Guy walked towards him, stopping just a feet away, and sighed after one thorough look of him.

"Luke, you're not thinking about something stupid again, right?"

He flinched in surprise.

"Uhm... No. I'm not thinking anything."

"... You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

The blond swordsman said it under his breath though, so Luke didn't quite hear that. And he wasn't lying anyway. Guy being there somehow made his mind goes blank.

"Anyway. You remember our decision to not bring any spare right?"

Luke nodded. Being in charge of items, and in extension having to carry all said items, was a role given to the back up fighters because those items would only be hindrance in battle. For the fight in Eldrant, that role was given to Anise. Normally, the other person, in this case being Natalia, would help her and she did help up until the fight with Sync, but she's in no condition to help now. With her mind muddled with depressing thoughts about Asch's death, she's susceptible to harm herself if left with those weapons. She seemed fine now, beside few moments caught in a daze, but no one was willing to risk it. And so, those heavy things were all left to Anise.

Let it be said that she was not happy about it. She didn't say anything, she wouldn't want to worry Natalia in her current state, but it's shown through her face. Each time they found a treasure chest, she would always groan silently. She would then grimace if it contains new armor or weapon.

And they found lots of those, much to her chagrin. At one point, Luke was sure he heard her questioning if it's possible that Van wanted to tire them out by making them carry around so many heavy high class weapons and armors under her breath. She emphasized the word many and heavy.

So then, it was decided that for tomorrow, none of them, except for Natalia since they couldn't exactly tell her the reason, would bring any spare. It's a hard decision, because there's always the chance of something goes wrong. But it's what they all decided. Poor Anise could pass out from fatigue before they're even halfway there otherwise.

"Good. At least you've thought about that. Tell me what you're going to use then. I'll polish it for you."

Instinctively, Luke's hand went to the hilt of the sword on his back. Guy tilted his head to the side and asked before Luke could say anything.

"... are you sure? Anise would make an exception for that, you know?"

Because despite it's importance, Sword of Lorelei wasn't Luke's strongest sword and he wasn't used to it yet. Guy could see from his expression during battle in Eldrant and the fight with Nebilim. Of course Guy noticed Luke being weird in battle, but he couldn't know what could be the cause of that. At least he thought that his battle performance could improve if he used a sword that he's familiar with.

Like the one Luke obtained from coliseum for example.

Luke's grip on his sword tightened.

"It's what's entrusted to me. So I want to use it."

"Hm... I see. I get it. I'm using _that_ sword too. It's just what feels right. The others seemed to choose their weapons for similar reason... Except for Natalia of course, since we didn't tell her about it, and Jade can bring his own weapons with contamination effect. Okay then. Let me polish it for you."

"I can do it myself."

"Luke, you're shaking. I can't let you do that, you'll hurt yourself."

He looked down to his right hand, and true to Guy's word it was shaking. Even without looking up back into his eyes, Luke could tell that Guy was waiting for explanation for that. He gripped it into a fist and tried to calm himself with a deep breath.

"It's just chilly in here. It's nothing, really."

Guy hummed, seemingly in agreement but still had that look of suspicion. It's not like Keterburg or Chesedonia, but still the air in Sheridan could be chilly at night.

"If so, don't stay here then. You'll catch a cold," he said as he gave Luke his hand, which Luke took and used it as support to stand up.

"Yeah... Got it."

"Let's return to the inn. I'll get some hot drinks, and you can tell me what's bothering you as you polish that sword."

Luke nodded uncertainly and followed him back to the inn. It was necessary to talk to Guy, so Luke couldn't exactly refuse his invitation. But then again, this is Guy. This is the person who had admitted that at one point he had wanted to kill Asch despite being one of the kindest people Luke knew. Even though Luke didn't doubt his words that he's not wanting revenge anymore, still he didn't want to make him remember bad memories.

"Go inside first. I'll bring the drinks to the room. Is hot milk okay?"

"... I'm not a child anymore."

Guy just laughed at that, probably because it's not exactly a refusal.

And as he climbed the stairs to the inn, Luke asked himself.

Should he really ask Guy? Asch's past was important, but Guy's feeling was also equally important.

In the end, he decided to just ask.

"Guy!"

He called from the railing, and the older man looked up, his hand on the door handle. He blinked once, seemingly from surprise, before smiling and tilted his head questioningly.

"What's up? Do you want something else?

"No! No... it's not about that..."

With Anise, it'd be easier. He still couldn't think up a way to ask her, and Guy too for that matter, but Anise wouldn't get hurt from talking about Asch. Because she didn't have any sort of grudge against him, and because she couldn't possibly know that much about him. Anise saw Asch just as a mysterious soldier, nothing else. Unlike Guy who in the past hated him for simply being a member of House Fabre, and who had possibly endured a lot just to be in that house.

Who is he kidding? Guy was probably also got hurt a lot during his time with replica Luke. Now the fear was not from only the possibility of opening Guy's old wounds, it's also from being reminded that he had done lots of terrible thing to Guy, and would not have any chance to redeem himself. It's not just about Guy getting hurt. It's also about him being a coward who couldn't face his past.

Luke swallowed the lump that had formed on his throat, and compromised. If Guy wavered, something expected really, he decided he'd just go look for Anise and not ask anything from his guardian.

"Guy, is it really okay to talk to you... even if it's about Asch?"

Contrary to expectation however, without a pause, with his usual kind smile plastered on his face, Guy answered without a hint of hesitation.

"Of course you can."


	5. Chapter 5

**Perhaps some people interpret the Katzbert Ferry hyper-resonance scene as Lorelei trying to contact Luke. And I'm also aware of people, including one Luke expert I respect, who interpret it as an accident, that Luke just happened to unleash hyper-resonance because he was overwhelmed. I am aware that Lorelei did try to contact him, but nevertheless I think the person who controlled Luke is Asch based on the lines. **

**Also.**

**Some would say that Luke's a child and grew up according to his mental age, but I personally find that unlikely because Ion is two and he's been Fon Master since the beginning. So I assume he learned things quickly too. It's just that he doesn't learn as much as Asch did, and he never communicates with people other than those who are below him, so Luke... became what he was. A selfish bastard, basically. **

**I for some reason want to change the title into THE BIG BANG THEORY but then again... there's that show called that, and it's a comedy...**

**Let it be said, I plan on writing on new laws on fomicry, and perhaps Auldrant's universe. Some of the clues have been presented. Thing is, there's another element in Auldrant that's not yet indulged. I'm planning to use that. **

**This chapter is rather different because I'm not separating the POV. There will be parts from Guy's POV. But maybe it wouldn't look so bad because it's written in 3****rd**** person's POV. It's because I don't know how to bring Luke to ask Guy, so I make it that Guy is the one who decides to tell him about little Asch. I hope this story flows well. **

* * *

Luke took a sip of his hot milk, the warmth radiated throughout his body and gave him some sort of comfort. When he was still a child (or perhaps newborn was the better word), perhaps to humor the idea that his child had regressed into a baby, his mother would give him warm milk each time he was upset. His body remembered it as a calming drink, and so, he felt bit calmer. At least, he's not shaking anymore, and his mind had cleared up a bit.

"Does it work?"

"... Yeah."

More than cleared up actually. For some reasons, the thoughts about his problems had been replaced with memories of old, memories of his first seven years of life locked up in Fabre manor.

Guy smiled kindly as he drank his drink. Luke didn't know what it was, but surely it's not milk. Guy didn't like it that much for some reason. He suspected it's related to his aversion to females. Luke remembered thinking it's totally unfair that he could be that much taller than he was even though he didn't drink milk almost at all.

"I kind of missed this."

"What? Drinking hot milk? You could have just ask."

"No... not that. I mean... Mother giving me a cup of hot milk, even though probably it's you who prepared it, and explains to me why I don't need to feel bad about having to re-learn everything despite what everybody said. Either that, or try to explain to me why I can't get out of the manor."  
"Oh yeah. Almost every time you get upset back then was from being compared to Asch, wasn't it?"

"Although I thought she just basically said 'deal with it' in pretty words."

He burst out laughing at that, and even Luke managed to smile at the memory.

Mother was a kind person, so it couldn't be true. It's just his childish mind thinking that the world was so unfair towards him, when in reality there were so many people with worse fate than his, all because of the Score. People he knew were all unlucky that way.

"Well now, you're obviously upset about something. And you have your hot milk. It's not in order, but should I take on her role then?"

Guy questioned him teasingly, but he continued in all seriousness without even waiting for Luke's response. He put his hand on Luke's shoulder, which prompted him to look up into Guy's sea-green eyes.

"It's not your fault, so you don't have to feel bad."

The words were spoken just like how his mother used to say it that Luke wondered if Guy had been present in the supposedly private times between mother and son. He was always so upset, always bawling, that it had been hard to pay attention to his surrounding. That, and his mother always had him in her embrace, his face on her chest, and her hands stroking his hair.

The smile then returned.

"..."

"How is it?"

"I don't feel anything."

"Should I hug you then?"

Luke made a face which apparently quite amusing for Guy, as he burst out laughing again and let go of Luke's shoulder. He took Luke's now empty mug and put it on the nightstand next to his bed. Luke then made a mental note to apologize to Asch later. Getting a hug from a male is just awkward, no matter what his relation is, no matter what the occasion is. There had been times when Luke sees Guy as the caring brother he never had, and even he's disgusted at the thought.

"Why did you look for me?"

"It's nothing actually. It's late, and we both know how disorganized you are. I wanted to make sure you didn't miss anything. Including weapon maintenance. Speaking of which..."

He went to the table to get the necessary tools for polishing, a bottle of furnish and cloth. Luke noticed that on there were assortments of weapons on the table, swords, bows, and arrows. Guy had been polishing Natalia's weapons too.

"I've always wondered why Natalia never ran out of arrows in battle... She doesn't ask for them often too..."

"It's amazing that you don't know."

"It can't be helped, I don't know anything about archery. Not interested in it either."

"No, I mean, it's amazing you haven't figured it out. You've seen her fight countless times. But then again, you've never paid attention to your surrounding..."

Luke squirmed uncomfortably at the comment, and apparently it was noticed.

"Not exactly a bad thing. That means you're focused on your opponent, which is never bad, and that you trust her enough to not question her style. But still, you're a Kimlascan. I'm honored you're using Albert-style to fight, and that you've memorized the manual word to word, but still I think it'd be good for you to at least know how the style that's unique to your country works."

"Oh yeah... My style is from Malkuth, isn't it?"

"Natalia was opposed to the idea of re-instating Van as your sword instructor until the very end because of it," Guy paused for a moment before continuing with a sigh. "Too bad she lost the argument. Even if she's the princess, the King and council outrank her, and she was still a child then. They find the idea of Scion of Lorelei studying the style used by protectors of Yulia very... I don't know. Amusing, I guess. They never wanted you to do any fighting after all."

He didn't know how to respond that, so Luke kept quiet.

"Anyway, it works the same way with Tear's bullets."

"... Tear doesn't use bullets."

Guy turned and stared at him sceptically with an eye-brow raised.

"Oh. You're serious. Man, you really need to pay attention."

"Tear sings... And she uses light-based artes... right?"

"Not all the time. Her arte used up lots of fonons. When she's too drained to cast, she fired up fonons like bullets. Before you ask, no, it's not contradictory because she used the fonons from the atmosphere for the bullets. Must have taken it from Legretta, although how she managed that without a gun is beyond me. She uses her staff. Natalia mainly uses fonons to attack, but she'd use her arrows in emergency. Firing up fonons take great concentration."

"So that's why I rarely find any arrow after battle..."

"That's how it is. Here. You said you want to do it yourself."

Guy placed the tools next to Luke before taking a seat on his bed opposite of him. He watched as Luke dazedly took out Sword of Lorelei. The blade was clean, Nebilim's blood had disappeared when she disintegrate. It's hard to imagine that it's been used to kill thousands of people, if he hadn't seen it being used himself Guy would say it looked fresh out of the smithy.

"... I suppose polishing isn't necessary."

"Asch took good care of it. He used it in such way that even my sword, which is sturdier, wouldn't damage it. He tried not to hurt me too, so it's not spoiled with my blood. There shouldn't be any risk for rust."

"Did he now..."

He found it extremely hard to believe, and Luke knew it even without seeing his face. The red head traced the blade. Somehow he was sure that it's been sharpened. Sword of Lorelei was not really a weapon. It's just a key, a channeling device given to Yulia from Lorelei to help her control massive amount of seventh fonon. He'd never heard of any story of Yulia actually using it to fight. But then again, she also had access to Lorelei's power and protection from the hymns, so she might never felt the need.

"Yeah. I'm sure he did."

Because...

Why else would Asch, someone more experienced in fighting that he was, lost in a duel otherwise?

Guy seemed to have sensed that Luke's mood had took a turn for the worse, and he sighed in resignation.

"I'm sorry, Luke. It's just Asch had never been one to hold back. He's a loose cannon, there's just no stopping him."

"It's not exactly a surprise, with everything he's been through."

"You misunderstood. I mean since the beginning, it's in his nature. Van and you have nothing to do with it. You have heard stories about how he's such a perfect child, but trust me, they're all exaggerated."

Luke looked up and stared. His face was blank.

"... you don't remember anything at all, do you?"

"It's not exactly stories I'd like to remember... and they're mostly told during my first months in the manor, which you might have noticed, I almost can't remember at all. I just remember hearing people say that my past... I mean Asch, could do lots of things that I can't. I can't remember exactly what those things are though..."

Luke was born with a body of a ten year old, but without any skill and knowledge whatsoever. Only instinct, just like a baby. The doctors then speculated it had something to do with the abnormally low level of memory particles in his brain, almost non-existence at all, at that time. How the kidnappers did that to him, no one knew. Finally, they settled with 'trauma' even though there's no basis for it at all. Of course the real reason was that he's not the real Luke, and he was literally a newborn.

In any case, during his first months in the manor, he was compared a lot to his 'past self'. The servants all said it to his face, unaware that despite his lack of comprehension to their words, Luke could sense their malice just fine. He got upset often because of it, exhibiting violent tendencies even. He'd resist on learning from most people because of it, but he took great delight learning from someone who never made the comparison. Like Van, being the most obvious example, and Guy was assigned to teach him because he wouldn't listen to other people. Of course, the fact that he was not assigned a tutor had absolutely nothing to do with it. Guy didn't know the details, being only a lowly servant and all he had no right to pry, but apparently it's because the Duke had wanted to keep his son oblivious to most subjects. He didn't want the kidnapping to happen again, and the King agreed it was for the best. Swordsmanship was just addition to their security.

"... but they're right."

Guy felt sick when he heard Luke's dejected laugh. He's regressing, he's starting to deprecate himself again.

"It's by design. And like I said, Asch wasn't as perfect as you think he was. He just seemed better because he's more experienced. He knew more because he had learned more."

"... by design?" Luke looked up and frowned in confusion.

Guy was stunned at his reaction. Those bastards. They hadn't explained to him anything. Not the real reason why he's locked up in a manor, not the reason why he's not properly educated... Not even an apology, he bet.

"How did you spend that one month I'm not with you after we lower the land?"

"... thinking about things?"

"What things?"

"Uhm, circumstances of my life... I think?"

Guy let out a groan to his hand and shook his head in disbelief. They didn't even try to fix things. They just leave things as it was!

"Luke, after all this is over, I'm going to go to Kimlasca and give your father a piece of my mind. I've held my tongue and made no comment whatsoever in how he'd decided to raise you, but this is getting absurd."

"What do you mean?"

"For Yulia's sake, Luke. You've learned everything you need to function years ago, but you still lack common knowledge, something even kids know about. With the Score gone they have no more nonsensical reason to not teach you stuffs. Look at Ion. He's two, and he knew more things than you do now."

One might argue that Luke simply lack initiative, but it's not true. After Akzeriuth fell, he saw Luke asking Jade himself to teach him fonology. He had the will to learn, and Guy's sure Luke would be able to absorb anything quickly if he'd just be given a chance. His progress in fonon manipulation was the proof of it. Problem was, Luke never knew what he needed until it's too late. He just didn't know what was expected of him, what's needed to lead even though he's an heir to the throne.

Or perhaps he knew. The royal family did give the impression that they just wanted Luke to learn just enough to function like a normal human being. The most basic skills only. Speak, walk, and how to do things on his own. Swordsmanship for added security. After that, he's just left alone like a bomb in a box.

And then there's Asch. Luke found out that he's a replica, and he must have thought that the expectation had been shifted to his original. He found what he's been lacking, common knowledge from his friends and leaders' necessary qualities from finally seeing Ion, Peony and the King in action, but he didn't bother to learn because he thought he's just expected to be present. To be used when necessary, just like before. A tool, to put it bluntly. Or replacement, a mere dummy until Asch could be convinced to return.

Which gave him time to think about idiotic things. No, that's wrong. Gave him free brain cells to think about idiotic things.

Luke blinked once and tried to process what Guy just said.

"... there was a reason not to teach me stuffs... in the Score?"

"Well, it's mostly Asch. He's the reason you're not taught anything. But Score is one reason for it. His Score to be exact."

"What's Asch got to do with anything? I mean... he's not even there... Wait... they knew about him and didn't tell Mother and Natalia about him?! They knew and didn't save him?! Uncle and Father were plotting with Van?"

He seemed stricken with horror at that possibility. Guy shook his head.

"No. They're not. They wouldn't put him in prison for kidnapping you if that's the case. I don't think they know about Asch at all. What I mean is that Asch's history is what made them decide to not tell you about stuffs, and to keep you locked up in the manor."

"... Asch's... history?"

"He's rebellious."

Luke's face turned blank again.

"I don't think I've heard anyone says that before."

"He's a smart kid. He knew what to do to get into people's good side, at least people he deemed important. He did what he's told to do and all that. When he wanted to do something forbidden, he planned it meticulously so that it's only found out when it's too late. After that, well, he'd accept punishment without resistance. He didn't care about rules. That's why he's rebellious and unpredictable. Also, he's pretty much unstoppable. It's almost impossible to convince him once he set his mind on something. He hadn't changed at all."

Luke had to admit, Guy made a spot on description of Asch's current persona. Asch himself had admitted that he was planning on making use of his position in Order of Lorelei to keep track of what Van's doing. Although, he had his priority straight, and Akzeriuth was apparently on top of his list for reason still unknown, which led him to go to Akzeriuth and basically saved people of importance (like Natalia and Ion). He did lose control couple of times (the murder attempts), but he always stopped when he's told to do so. And he didn't make any fuss about his loss of position in the Order after lowering the land, at least Luke didn't hear anything of the sort.

Breaking military procedure... What, so Asch was at fault because he decided to not side with his crazy superiors and went after them instead? Because he decided to screw the Score before everyone else? Probably it's just an excuse though, there had to be another reason for him to be relieved of his position. Ion wouldn't just deprived Asch of his privileges as Commander. Luke knew Ion wouldn't.

As for the impossible to convince part...

His line of thought was cut off when Guy let out a sigh.

"Man... he gave me lots of trouble back then," he said with a chuckle.

"..."

Luke felt bad looking at Guy's pained expression, and so he decided not to press. Even so, perhaps because he could sense Luke's mood, he flashed a smile at him and continued.

"Don't worry about it, I rather liked that guy, you know? I spent seven years with him, and I only remembered that I'm supposed to hate him sometime before the kidnapping. He's a fun kid to be with actually."

"... what?" he asked incredulously.

It was a surprise because Asch was not someone Luke could relate to the word fun in any way. He'd imagined Asch to be like his father, but in the body of a child. That, and it's surprising to hear Guy's admission about him. He had thought that Guy thought of his past in the manor with Asch as nightmare, but the way he said it it's as if he wished he could return to that time and relive his days with Asch. His smile was genuine, Luke could feel it. Guy wasn't lying just to not hurt him, and it's what's surprising.

"I played with him a lot when we were kids. I've been with him since he was three, so we're quite close. In fact, most of the troubles I got was from him choosing to hang with me instead of Natalia or other noble kids when he was smaller. Kinda like you and me, actually. But when he's older he's more eager to break the rules than you, and instead of asking me to hide him from Natalia, he'd ask me to help him plan a date with her. Apparently he only realized he liked Natalia when he's a bit older, perhaps because he's influenced by my weakness to woman."

Since Asch was three, he's being taken cared of by someone with aversion to female. It's not weird if he's a bit affected. And even if he didn't, it's not unusual for young children to deny his interest to the opposite gender. Luke himself was like that. He found Tear attractive the first time he could really take a good look at her, which was in the coach that took them to Engeve's general direction, but even after he deemed her trustworthy he would still say that she's cold and annoying. He told something along the line when Anise asked him.

But Natalia... She's pretty. And she's cute when she's not being naggy. But she's... _Natalia_.

Just like he wondered what made Natalia likes Asch so much, Luke wondered what made him so obviously in love with her.

"Wait... break the rules? You mean, he's... _naughty_?" Luke struggled with the last word. It made Guy snickered.

"Not exactly. He's similar to Peony. You remember his story in Keterburg, right? How he'd often escape from his mansion to go see Jade and the others? Asch was like that. He'd do as he's told. He'd study what's given. He'd act mature if needed. But like Peony, he'd run off on his own at every chance he got. Most of the time, he only broke the rule that says he can't go to town. And the one that says he can't take Natalia with him unsupervised. Now that I think about it, I wonder if Asch would have ended up similar to Peony if the kidnapping never happened."

"Asch was forbidden to go out too?"

"He's forbidden to go to Lower Ground, but he can go out to other places with company of minimum a knight. He's after all the heir to the throne, so he's treated similarly to Natalia. Even if the Score said he'll be okay, there's always a chance of the Scorer telling lies. You know Score of disaster and death is never told, right? I was still a child, so I was deemed insufficient to guard him. A White Knight had to come with him if he wanted to go out, and he didn't like it. He said it ruined the mood, especially if he's out with Natalia. So he'd escape from the knight's watch, someway or another, he'd planned it ahead, return when he's done, and accept scoldings and punishment without a fuss. It's always like that."

Peony...

If Luke was not mistaken, because the previous emperor had lots of enemy, Peony was sent to Keterburg for protection. It's similar to Luke's house arrest situation, and to lesser degree Asch's past situation apparently. Even so, unlike Luke, he escaped often to see Jade and the others, just like how Asch liked to escape his guard. And there's a chance that the first love Jade mentioned, which made him halt development of Keterburg, was Nephry. Asch took Natalia with him in more than one occasion, and they both obviously in love with each other. Quite similar, indeed.

Although the idea of Asch with Peony's personality was rather mortifying.

"He was always curious and enthusiastic. People, specially His Grace, expected him to study what's necessary to rule, and he did more. He's not exactly smart, but he's hard working. It took him a great while to learn anything, but he never gave up and always wanted to improve. He wasn't satisfied in learning through tutors alone, so he'd always try to find out about stuffs himself. He'd want to compare the stories and statistics that he's told with what the people think and experience, one reason why he didn't like being accompanied with knight when he's out to town. Sometimes, he'd even take Natalia with him. He had good intention, Her Grace came to his defense often because of it, but that's the problem the King and His Grace had with him, which led to you being deprived of proper education and right to go out of the manor."

"... why?"

"Because it's the reason why Van could kidnap him."

Guy then told him what happened that day of the kidnapping. Asch wanted to go to Lower Ground for something or another, nothing unusual. Guy knew what that meant. He wanted to escape the knight assigned to accompany him yet again. He smirked as he told him how he was planning to escape that poor knight.

"I see. Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, it's okay. Don't force yourself if you don't want to. I don't want to get you into trouble. Again. Besides, I know my way around now."

"..."

"Did I do something?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. You've changed. You seem gloomier nowadays. I assume it's because of me."

"... it's not you."

It's not his fault he finally noticed the style Guy was using was Albert-style since he caught him practicing two years prior, the style unique to Hod. It's not his fault that he then asked if he's from Hod. It's not his fault if he then asked if Guy hated his father because of it. It's not his fault that Guy realized that he'd forgotten about revenge, even though he had planned on killing the boy that he's supposed to care for once he turned five. It's not his fault that Guy started to feel conflicted because of it.

He liked Luke (back then he was still Luke). He really did. He gave him lots of trouble, but he defended him all the time too. And hanging out with him was always fun. Escaping the knights... inspecting the Lower Ground... going around seeing machines (that day he was brought to Belkend would never be forgotten)...

But, the realization that he really liked him was what made him feel bad. He couldn't like him. He had to hate him. He had to bring himself to kill him soon. It's way overdue.

He really needed to figure out a way to get take the Jewel of Gardios unnoticed as soon as possible.

"I see," he didn't look convinced, but he smiled nonetheless. Guy forced himself to smile back and waved him goodbye.

The knight returned to the manor three hours later, panicking because he lost him again and was in danger of being replaced. He then took ten of his men and split them up to search the city for the missing noble child. It was only after sundown that they returned to the manor and regretfully informed the Duke that his son wasn't in Baticul anymore.

It took Guy six hours to realize that he couldn't bring himself to feel glad from seeing the Duke's misery, not with the Duchess getting ill and Natalia basically having a mental breakdown. It took him another minute to realize that he couldn't stop thinking about Luke, and couldn't stop wondering if he was okay even though earlier he had planned to kill him. Couple of days later, an emissary from Order of Lorelei came and offered to help in searching him. Immediately after the meeting, the King had all of his soldiers out looking for him, saying that it's Malkuth's doing. Now Guy realized the reason why. That emissary must have told him about the Score, of Luke's importance in achieving the so called prosperity.

"When he re... I mean, when you came, they treated you differently. They no longer demand you to study or stuffs like that. You couldn't do anything, so I thought they just want you to... focus on the basic stuffs. To get you to be able to do stuffs yourselves, at least. Get you to be able to talk and walk, eat on your own, bathe on your own... But it's weird that they left you alone after that. Not only that, the King banned you from going out of manor completely."

"..."

"They must be afraid the same thing would repeat. You learned things quickly. When you came, you could do nothing but cry, but just after few weeks you could do almost everything without help. You can talk well too, although your vocabulary was still limited. After few months, you could already read and write. You had so much progress. I expected them to get the tutors return, but they never did. If Van didn't convince His Grace himself, he wouldn't be re-assigned as your sword instructor too. They're afraid you'd want to seek out things yourself, just like Asch did. They're afraid you'd escape and got taken away again."

But not as an heir to the throne.

Simply as Scion of Lorelei who was destined to die in Akzeriuth, someone who would bring prosperity through war that brewed after his death.

Like a cattle, he was kept and fed just until that time.

"Now, there's no reason for them to do that. It's absurd. And you're supposed to be a future ruler! Really... How can you support Natalia in the future if you don't know anything?"

"It's-"

"No. Stop. I don't want to hear anymore of it. Asch wanted to support Natalia, and he never stopped doing that. I know. He only started studying seriously after he realized he liked her, saying something about important promise he made, before that he'd ask me to play with him most of the time. Natalia too, would love it if he could continue to support her. But you are an entirely different matter, Luke. You're her another precious person. Natalia wants you to be by her side. Not as replacement because Asch is gone now, but because you're you."

Luke was looking down again, seemingly in deep thought. Guy could practically hear the gears inside his head turning, and so he wondered if this is a good thing or not. He had always been an open book, but Guy admittedly couldn't understand the flickers of emotion shown through his face. One thing was certain though, he was thinking about Asch. Ever since the land was lowered, it's all he could think of.

Him and death.

Now, it's probably both.

Most likely he's feeling guilty because he had left him to his death.

If it's Luke, then he would certainly thought about that, even though it wasn't his fault at all.

"I'm sorry. I'm supposed to make you feel better, not depress you even more."

Luke shook his head. "No. I really needed to hear this."

"You said it yourself, you can't move forward ifyou keep looking back."

"But I need to look back, or I'll be _that person_ again."

"You don't have to look back. You just have to remember where you came from. And this is an entirely different matter. There's no need for you to hear about Asch. What he did in the past is none of your concern. You might think otherwise, but you have nothing to do with it. Whatever it is you think is your fault, let me assure you, it's not."

Luke bit his lip at that. Yeah, he'd been worried about that.

He'd been lucky that Guy told him about Asch even without him asking. He's glad he was an forgetful idiot, although Asch would kill him for daring to think about that, because if he wasn't then Guy wouldn't tell him about his past with Asch.

Asch's past had nothing to do with him.

It happened before he was even born, he had no part in it whatsoever.

Wanting to know Asch's past would seem to be just prying. What's worse, Asch was deemed dead by most people. People don't talk about the dead's past. People talk about their time with the dead. People talk about what could happen if only the dead didn't die. It's normal in funeral. But Luke wouldn't be forgiven for talking or thinking about those. Not now, when he needed to focus on Van, and not ever, because no one liked him being depressed.

People around him were kind that way.

He should stop before Guy found out that he's hiding something, and he still had to somehow talk to Anise, but Luke still felt like there's something missing. Something that's been in front of him this whole time and he just couldn't see it.

Something that, as Jade said, his mind chose to ignore.

"... If anything, I think it'd be Natalia's."

Guy suddenly mumbled under his breath, and Luke shot up in surprise. Guy seemed nonchalant about it, and it's what outraged him. He frowned and growled.

"Natalia isn't at fault for anything."

Noticing the anger from his tone, Guy raised his hands defensively. "It's just that I think Asch became what he was because of Natalia. She _was_ the reason he started seriously considering to be a ruler. And there was that trivia the Dark Wings said about him."

Luke's eyes narrowed as his mind brought him back to that time in Mt. Roneal. He and the group were going after Asch, and on their way to the Sephiroth they met the Dark Wings. One word led to another, Luke had forgotten about what they were talking about, his mind was filled with the thought that Asch was being difficult again, but the Dark Wings' words about Asch was unforgettable.

Because it had sounded so silly back then.

"_Sixty percent is Natalia, thirty is the replica, and the rest is Van. Add that all up, and you've got everything the boss ever talks about."_

More than his most hated replica, more than Van the villain...

Natalia.

"I said it before Luke. I don't think he had changed at all. His life revolved around Natalia, always had been."

Luke stared down at the sword on his lap, looking at his reflection on the blade like it wasn't his face. His mind somehow saw his original's face, and thoughts about his relation to Natalia flooded his mind like the dam had been broken.

And then he looked up, his eyes wide, as if he had just realized something important.

"That's it..."

"...Huh?"

He stood up abruptly, the sword nearly fell down to the floor but he caught its hilt before it could happen. He seemed horrified for some reason. His eyes turned blank, as if he wasn't really looking at Guy even though he seemed like it.

"I have to go."

"Go?"

"I'm sorry. I know it's late, but I'll be back before sunrise, I promise. I won't leave town," Luke said as he walked quickly towards the door, without even looking back at Guy. He winced when the door closed with a loud bang.

* * *

When he went to the bar to return the mugs after Luke had left, Guy didn't expect to find Jade being accompanied by Anise. The Malkuth militant had been there when he ordered the hot milk for Luke and ginger ale for himself, but still the sight of the thirteen year old girl startled him. She was too young to be in a bar late at night, accompanying a man no less. If it wasn't for the serious mood engulfing the two of them, Guy would have rat her out to Tear.

Anise seemed horrified, like that time after Ion died. Jade on the other hand, was dazedly playing with his drink. Guy gave the bartender the two empty mugs, and asked for the same drink Jade was having as he settled on the stool next to Jade.

"... your turn now, Anise."

Jade smirked as he said that, and Anise dejectedly nodded before going out of the bar. Guy watched her walking slowly and dazedly, unlike usual. Anise was the cheeriest person he knew. He knew when Ion died that it's just her facade, her way to pretend that's nothing wrong, but still to see her like that was disheartening. It means whatever it was she's dealing with was too hard to be covered with her facade.

"What did you tell to her?"

"A bedtime story."

"... So basically a ghost story."

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

The red-eyed man let out a chuckle, seemingly amused by Guy's conclusion, before asking him, "and what did you tell him?"

"An old story."

"I see. Yes, I suppose it'd suffice. Good work, Guy."

Guy drank the whole glass in one gulp before asking for another one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yep. I changed the title. And summary. Heartbreak Summit is the title of the song by Deco*27, and is the inspiration for this fic. **

**Do you remember last part of Contamination quest? The lines spoken by Dist and Jade?**

**Dist: …His memories will remain. **

**Jade: No, nothing but his memories will remain. **

**I find these lines fascinating, don't you think so?**

**Reminder than every character can think differently and know different things.**

* * *

"He said he needed to hear about Asch's past."

Jade hummed in acknowledgment.

"He needs to sort out his thoughts about Asch. He can't just ignore him. It's best to let him wallow now than to have him being depressed for the rest of his life."

Guy agreed, but still it felt wrong to tell Luke anyway.

"... He's thinking about something stupid, I can feel it."

"Not exactly something new, isn't it?"

"True... But still I wish he would stop thinking about him."

"Is this jealousy I'm sensing?"

Guy snorted and denied it with passion.

"I just don't think it's healthy for him to think about Asch. It'd be better if he could be like Ion."

Ion. The seventh replica of Fon Master Ion.

He seemed stable, unlike Luke. He never had to worry about having his original reclaiming his place. It seemed easier for him that way. Of course, Guy would never say that Asch's better off dead. It's not fair for him, and not fair for Natalia and Duchess Fabre too, but still there were times when he hoped that he'd drop dead so that Luke could be relieved of his pain.

Guy felt bad about it now. Asch was his friend too. At least, for seven years he was, from their first meeting when he was three until he was kidnapped when he was ten. But still, he'd changed, and yet he had not. He was still the same personally, but he's not the same pure kid he was anymore.

The boy from back then wouldn't speak about killing so easily.

But, it's not his fault.

None of it was his fault.

'Asch the Bloody' had killed lots of people, that's for sure. Guy was certain that his blood red hair was not the reason he got the title 'Bloody'. Even so, most of them were due to orders he received as a soldier from Van, and the rest for self-defense. He couldn't be blamed for it, just like how Luke couldn't be blamed for the killings he had done. The only people he wanted to kill out of spite was his replica, and it's been established by everyone including Luke himself that he's justified in wanting that.

He had changed, and yet he had not.

He had been taken away, led astray, broken, soiled, betrayed... and yet deep down he's still that boy who wanted nothing but the happiness of people important to him.

Guy felt bad not realizing it sooner. He felt bad he couldn't support him as his childhood friend. He felt bad that he had chosen Luke over him, when in reality it wasn't necessary to choose at all. Just like Natalia, he could have accepted them both. He could have supported them both. Asch was as lost as Luke was, perhaps even more. What's worse, he had no one by his side to guide him back.

If he could, Guy would like to apologize to him. If he could, Guy would like to be friends with him again.

Alas, it's too late.

He's dead now, and as expected Natalia was the most affected.

And... as expected, Guy was wrong. Asch's dead didn't make Luke feel relieved at all. Luke couldn't be like Ion. He couldn't feel that peace from having a place that's truly his, without any risk of being tossed aside. He was too good for that.

He cried. He became out of it. And now, he's downright depressed. He's regressing, and now he's even worse than before.

Luke asked to return to Fabre manor to tell his parents, but he couldn't say it in the end. Natalia too, couldn't say it.

_'I'm sorry, Mother, Asch is dead.'_

Yeah, there's no way he could say it to the frail Duchess.

There's no way he could tell her that her child, the child she had given birth to, the child whom she had unknowingly abandoned, the child who had suffered because of her ignorance, had died in pain. In pain, alone, and all in all miserable.

But there was something in Luke's eyes when he saw his mother earlier in the manor. Something Guy couldn't explain himself, but he almost seemed melancholic and yet hopeful. But he couldn't be sure. He was still feeling that euphoria of having Jewel of Gardios in his possession.

Yes, he had basically condemned someone to his death by abandoning him in his darkest hour, primarily being the cause of why his two childhood friends (one whom he had chosen as his real best friend no less) were depressed, and yet what filled his mind in their worst time was a sword.

It's not just any sword, true. It's his family heirloom. But still. Between his friends and the past that he had decided to put behind him, Guy should had known better.

"... I'm a horrible person."

Jade just hummed in acknowledgment.

"Ion was different with Luke. He had his own answer to his circumstances. Luke have found his answer I think, and now he's trying to compromise. Of course, I'm not good in psychology, so I could be mistaken, but the only thing we can do now is to support him in finding new answer."

"Asch's existence is essential in his answer... huh?"

"The current Luke probably think that he can't truly live without Asch, and he's trying to find a way around that."

"Even though he's been alive for seven years without him..."

It's not like Guy couldn't understand. He knew what Luke really wanted, and it's not just be alive. Luke himself realized it, even but he simply couldn't word it better.

To be alive, a being needed only consciousness. But to exist, it has to be acknowledged and noticed, and so other things were necessary.

Life-force, for one, something which enabled it to stay alive.

If it has consciousness, if it has force that's noticed by others, if it's acknowledged by given a name and thus role in the world, it's when someone can truly exist.

Luke wanted to exist.

Vessel was not important, sadly. The fonon sentiences were alive despite the lack of vessel after all. The bad news was, Luke understood this perfectly. A vessel didn't matter. He could still exist as himself without one. As long as Asch could go back to be someone who he was before, then he'd be satisfied.

Because... what he had was only consciousness. His life-force was already weakening, not that it was strong to begin with, his name wasn't his, and add to the list his vessel was disintegrating. He's alive, but non-existent.

That's why Luke couldn't just let Asch died on him. It's fine if he'd lose his vessel. It's fine if he'd be nameless. It's fine if his life-force would just be used to keep his original alive in his own defective body. Luke just wanted to be seen as someone else.

To be remembered not as Asch's replacement, anything but that.

Because, he wanted to exist.

"You know he wants to be his own person, not as replacement. He knows that we won't see him as replacement for Asch, but still there are people who can't see it that way. Like Arietta for example, and I suppose her view is shared by Auldrant's general population. So then his answer is probably if he could get Asch to return, he can be seen as something else, anything other than his replacement."

"..."

"But of course, even if Asch could return, people would only think that 'the replica has done his job well', but I suppose for him it's more favorable now since he wouldn't be there to suffer the scrutiny."

"... I should have known."

Guy gulped down his drink and asked for another glass.

Guy didn't know if Jade let it out on purpose or not. But he was clearly implying that Luke would not return, not in his scenario and not in how Jade expected it to be. And Jade's prediction was almost as certain as the Score, so then there's almost no doubt now.

Now.

For Luke at the moment, Asch returning was more favorable than not.

In his perfect scenario, he could return along with Asch, but apparently now it's impossible to achieve. With Asch being dead and Luke's...

Lorelei, he should have realized why Pere advised him against drinking even though he's a legitimate adult now... Alcohol could destroy the dam which kept dark truths, unwanted realized truth, from flooding his mind.

Guy didn't even know what made him realize it, he just did. He considered it, because it's Luke, and he hide things all the time. He knew his lying face, he'd look after him since he was a newborn after all, so perhaps he had realized it since the time Luke claimed the only thing wrong with him was his low level of blood fonon.

"Since when is he dying?

"Replicas are unstable creation since the beginning."

Guy slammed the glass to the counter until it echoed inside the almost empty bar and let out a hollow laugh. Even so, Jade didn't react to that despite how heartbreaking he sounded.

"So that's why he insisted on becoming his sword instructor... He wanted to make sure nothing's wrong with him... To find out if it's necessary to make another replica."

"Possibly only for that. Getting him to trust him completely is just added bonus."

"He only started asking after Luke was... four, though."

"Yes, that would make sense."

Because when Luke was created, Peony should have halted all distribution of his published research record, so he should had no idea about the frailty of replica. When Luke was four, about three years ago, Dist joined the Order and partake in the replication of Fon Master Ion. The books and journals must had came from Dist, and after he studied it and realized the risk of Luke disintegrating just like that.

About Asch though, about him at risk of dying because of data extraction...

Yes, he supposed it made sense too. Van didn't know that such risk existed. If there was something wrong, he supposed he could have saved him by using the power of Lorelei. Through the hymns.

If he really did it, then most likely it was accidental though.

"... We can only support him... huh?"

"Just like every other parent."

"I don't like it..."

"I have never heard of a parent who's happy with their child's chosen path."

"I'm not his parent."

"As an older brother myself I can assure you the feeling is similar."

"... I don't want to be his brother either. I want to be his friend. I want to stop him from doing stupid things like throwing his life away."

"Yes, I suppose friends are like that, unlike family. But right now, we have priorities. And his survival isn't on top of the list."

What's important was that he could kill Van.

He could free Lorelei.

He could save the world.

And so, what's required was his peace of mind. And so, he couldn't be stopped now.

Guy himself understood this. Still he didn't want to accept it. In the end he spent the night in the bar, just sitting there with Jade as he wallowed in secret.

Tomorrow, after the sun rose, he decided he'd put on a smile, and be as supportive as he could for Luke.

For now though, he just wanted to cry.

* * *

Luke cursed his forgetfulness.

He ran all the way to the part of town where he saw Natalia and Asch together, and hoped that seeing that place would help jog his memory. It's been a long time since then, and he had forgotten what both of them said. It's natural of course, people couldn't be expected to remember something word by word, but it's important. And Asch and Natalia remembered even though more than seven years had passed.

It's just months for Luke, and he had forgotten about it.

"This is... unbelievable... It's about changing the country, but I can't remember exactly what they said!"

Luke wondered if it had anything to do with his fonon separation, but it's not likely since since the beginning his memory had always been faulty. He couldn't remember his first months of life at all, and at that time he hadn't been able to write. There was no account for it in his diary, even if he wanted to recall. Seven years he spent in the manor was boring and repetitive however, so Luke himself didn't realize how faulty his memory was.

Before, he could remember. He could remember when Natalia asked him in Keterburg. The thought that before he could remember what Asch said in Keterburg before they lower the land word by word didn't register, because he had his mind focused on one event in particular and thus he couldn't see the whole picture.

It's important.

It's not something he'd want to forget.

It's proof that he's not 'Luke' after all.

'Luke' had been the one who proposed to Natalia, not him.

Luke put his hands on the railings and stared into the distance. The sun was rising back then, so perhaps he'd be able to recall it when the sun rose in another couple of hours. At least he hoped so.

Natalia was more important than he had thought.

According to Guy, she's the reason Asch started to seriously study to become a ruler. She's the reason he's so capable and knowledgeable. It's because one day he realized that he truly loves her, and thus wanted to become someone her ideal.

Luke had forgotten about that. Of course he knew that Asch cared about Natalia, but he hadn't really thought much about it. He hadn't really put his feelings for her into the equation. Asch proposed. He proposed to a girl who had been determined to be his future wife since his birth, something that shouldn't had been necessary.

He had thought that Asch loved Natalia, but he had never thought that she would affect him that much. Luke didn't think about it, because what changed him wasn't Tear. He wanted to change because of Akzeriuth, and he knew he had to be watched if he didn't want to do something horrifyingly stupid again. Tear was the closest in proximity. After a while, he started to realize that he liked her, loved her even, but it meant nothing because there's no way Tear would love a failure like him. And he's dying anyway, so he didn't want to have her avoiding him in his last moments on Auldrant.

Asch was different. He was the other way around. He realized first that he loved Natalia, and then he decided to change for the better. He changed not to make up for a mistake in the past, he changed for the sake of better future with Natalia.

Perhaps even _for_ Natalia. Asch didn't hesitate to die for her after all, if what the Dark Wings said could be trusted.

"So... Basically, 'Luke' exists for Natalia, huh?"

Not for Princess Natalia of Kimlasca. Not for his parents. Not for Kimlasca.

First and foremost, for the girl he loved.

Luke was sure he heard him saying that he didn't propose because she was the princess. He proposed because he loved her. The content was like that because she's the princess who loved her country though, true. And if she wasn't the princess he'd never be able to propose, but still her status meant nothing to him. What's important was what she wanted, and what's needed to be that person she wanted.

Although Luke figured that Asch prioritized the promise he made her. Natalia hated a person who broke promises above all else after all.

Natalia once suggested that Luke should try eating a thousand needles, and see if it'll jog his memory about the promise he had forgotten.

Luke wasn't sure if she was joking or not, but those words were traumatizing, to say the least. And she said that as she knit, meaning two giant needles in her hands, in one time his parents managed to convince him to spend time with Natalia. He wondered if Natalia told Asch the same thing. He didn't like making promises after all. But he figured it's more because his father rarely kept his promises.

Asch didn't like making promises, and yet he promised her something. And... Luke groaned again. He couldn't remember exactly what he had said, but he was sure that Asch was still trying his best to keep that promise. If Luke's memory was correct, and Asch indeed said that he didn't make that promise because Natalia was the princess, then the same logic must be applied to him. He encouraged Natalia to keep her promise even if she wasn't the princess anymore. If he could do that to her, then he must have been doing the same thing. He's been keeping his promise, even if he wasn't 'Luke' anymore.

But what was the promise?!

It's Luke's only clue, the only thing that might be able to explain his change of mind after Akzeriuth fell, and he forgot about it. Even more idiotic, he didn't write about it. What was his past self thinking?!

"Let's see... Uhm... When we grow up, let's change this country... Change it so... Ugh, this is not good."

Speaking of promise...

He also promised Luke to return. Bastard. If he thought that everyone would be satisfied if he return this way then he's mistaken. If he dare says that in a way he had returned, and as Luke too, just like his replica had wanted him to, then Luke would punch him. He really would. Or worse, he'd sing for him.

But it didn't matter now. For now, what's important was to remember that forgotten promise.

"... Luke..."

He flinched when he heard his name being called, and turn around only to find the girl he had been wanting to talk to, but forgotten because of another of his revelations. Anise was standing there, her eyes glassy from tears, and she was hiccuping. Odd. Anise had always stomped as she walked. For Luke to not notice her coming... and her face! Something must had happened.

Luke had no idea what to say or do. After a very long minute however, she sprinted and tackled him. His back hit the railing painfully, but hearing Anise's sob was even more painful. She had her hands circled on his waist, and she was crying just like that time after Ion died.

"A... Anise? What's wrong?"

She just shook her head and sniffled into his coat.

"Anise, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

In the end, Anise kept on crying until she was too tired to even stand. In the end, the only words she could manage to get out with difficulties were about Jade probably won't be sleeping tonight, and Luke understood immediately even without her telling anything more. Jade didn't like sharing rooms, he's not someone who would want his private life known. So he took her in his arms, surprised a bit at how the tank in their group was so small and light that even he could carry her easily, and brought her to Jade's room.

For some reason, it was left unlocked.

Luke wondered if Jade knew Anise would end up like this, but her frail figure in his arms, clutching his coat like lifeline, made it seem unimportant. At that moment, even Asch seemed unimportant.

"I'm so pathetic... crying like this...," she said, her voice hoarse from all the crying earlier.

"Kids cry all the time."

She pouted and tried to look menacing, but she couldn't. She still had one hand clutching Luke's coat, so he sat on the side of the bed and tried not to ask her what's wrong even though he was so curious. Sometimes what people need was only company after all, not added pressure.

"You're younger."

"Yeah."

"You don't cry much."

"I can't. He'd get mad if I cry."

"... Asch?"

"It's insulting for him."

It's not fair.

Since the beginning, he'd been blessed with lots of things that he shouldn't have to begin with. Good name, good family, good friends... He got to have all that while Asch got deprived of everything. Even though he couldn't deny that he felt bad and so out of place, he couldn't and wouldn't allow himself to cry about it. At least, not in front of someone.

"... Don't you act adult-like with me."

She puffed her cheeks, and Luke couldn't help but to smile at her face. Cheeks still flushed, eyes a bit swollen, and she looked silly by trying to look tough. But still, his chest ached, looking at the cheeriest person in the group reduced to this. In conclusion, his face contorted into indescribable expression, hovering between amused and pained.

"I'm sorry... I... I just got reminded of Ion. And I couldn't help it."

"... I thought so too."

"And you're similar to him, so I couldn't help it."

Luke thought she meant that he's a replica, just like Ion, but she meant it differently.

Ion was willing to die for everyone's sake, and didn't think of how the others would feel when he's gone for good.

He just did it without hesitation, without consultation, and left behind a huge crater in everyone's heart that would never be filled.

Anise knew that Luke was the same, that he was thinking about Asch just like Ion had thought about her, and that in his mind the thought about how the others would be affected by his decision didn't exist at all.

She knew. Luke was kind just like Ion, who put others ahead of themselves usually for stupid reason like 'I'm worth less, because I'm a replica'.

Stupid, how idiotic...

But...

Jade knew. She knew. Hell, perhaps even everyone knew about Luke's current state of mind, about what could be piling up in his brain, about what he's planning, but for some reason that's beyond her she couldn't bring herself to talk him out of it. And it frustrated her.

If she knew from the start that Ion was thinking up ways to save her and her parents...

If she knew from the start that Ion wouldn't even try to run away...

Anise got mad at herself because she got to think that she wouldn't try to convince him otherwise.

She tugged Luke's coat.

"Luke... will you promise me something?"

"... What is it?"

"If I want you to not be like Ion, is it too much to ask?"

Alive.

She'd do anything, she'd help him achieve and get through anything. She just didn't want him to die. Asch wouldn't like it if he died, Anise knew he wouldn't. Because he's like her. He wanted Luke to die, just like she wanted to sacrifice Ion for the sake of her family, but... it's painful. So painful. Because Luke and Ion, they were innocent. They're pure and never meant any harm. Sure their deaths were necessary, but still they didn't deserve to die.

So pure... so radiant...

If only they could stay alive, then the world would be a better place.

It's better if Anise could die instead of Ion, and she was sure Asch thought the same thing. It's not like she wanted Asch to stay dead, it's not like she couldn't sympathized with him, she could, perhaps even better than anyone regarding his frustration to Luke, but exactly because she could that she wanted Luke to keep on living.

To be there in someplace she could always reach.

"What do you mean?"

Luke seemed genuinely confused, and it made her sigh.

"Just... Don't leave me? At least for now?"

"Okay."

He said as he positioned himself to lie next to her, although Anise knew that he'd rather be someplace else. His gaze wandered to the window for a moment before he answered, to the sea. To the general direction he was at.

"... are you thinking about Asch?"

She saw him becoming tense before nodding uncertainly.

"It's not fair."

"What is?"

"That you can't cry about it."

"You've cried."

"Yeah."

"Let's just say it's enough for my share too."

"Okay."

She inched closer to him and buried her face on his chest. The sound of his heart beating, the sound which seemed louder because of the silence, comforted her. Even so, she knew Luke wasn't relaxed, not one bit.

"Don't worry. About Asch I mean. It's not your fault."

"Guy said so too."

"Yeah. It's the truth, so believe it."

"Even if it is, I still want to make it up for him."

"Make up for what?"

"Everything."

Everything.

For the pain he had to gone through. For the things he had to lose. All because of him being alive.

Anything and everything.

"... will it help if I told you that he had an ally in the order? Though I don't know if ally is the correct term."

Luke stared at her for a minute, before finally he could respond with an 'huh?'.

"I don't know much, because this is coming from some rumors that were circling before I join the Guardians, but apparently Fon Master Ion, the original one, was close to him."

"..."

His eyes widened as the thought sank in, his mouth agape as he struggled for words.

"I didn't know Asch until I saw him outside the abandoned factory. He's in a division which is known for its secrecy, I mean, come on. Special Operation is as vague as you can get. And he's never around, like someone had him go all over the place for some confidential stuffs no one gives a crap about. But I have heard about him from my seniors."

Heard about him from her seniors, meaning she heard them gossiping because Anise, being the youngest Guardian and picked by Ion himself, was not exactly liked.

Lots of rumors were circling.

About how Ion changed...

Anise didn't know about original Ion, but from what she had heard, he wasn't exactly a model child. Most of the rumors she heard weren't exactly good, most of them told tales about how disturbed he was.

Rumors about how he only saw Arietta as pet... rumors about him laughing when he saw someone got killed in front of him... rumors about how he would sometime lie about Scores he read just for the heck of it because he hated Score with passion...

When she met Ion, she thought that those rumors were just rumors, because Ion was kind and pure. But when she found out that the Ion she knew was not the one talked about, she began to question if it's true. If Ion's original was a broken child just like her seniors said.

If the rumor about him changing after picking up mysterious red haired boy later known as Asch the Bloody was also true.

People in the Order knew about Asch. He was in the position high enough to be deemed important, and his skill, power, rank, and relation (despite questionable as it was) was similar to a certain famous figure in the past.

Certain figure whose name was also used to name the sword currently stashed in her bag, the one which kept getting stronger with each enemy Luke beat, arguably the strongest in Luke's possession which he wouldn't use because it left bad taste in his mouth for not using the sword Asch gave him in exchange for his life.

Even though he's still alive for the moment.

Even though he'd want him to be the strongest.

"Asch... was not alone?"

"At least until he died about three years ago, Fon Master Ion was said to be close to him. And it's said that he clashed with Commandant often, because he didn't want him to take Asch away."

"Away? But I thought... I thought Van wanted Asch to be in the Order?"

"Well think about it. The first priority was to hide Asch's existence right? Emissaries from Malkuth and Kimlasca go to Daath often, so to hide him Daath isn't the best place."

But there's another place more suitable.

Connected to the Order, where people who was fooled by Van lived. Never visited by people from Kimlasca nor Malkuth, and thus Asch would never be recognized if he was there.

It would make more sense if Asch was kept in Yulia City.

But he didn't.

He was in Daath all this time.

Luke never thought about it, but now that Anise mentioned about original Ion clashing with Van often because he didn't want Asch to be moved someplace else, it made perfect sense that he wondered why he never questioned it before.

Even though it's probably important, relevant for his reasoning.

_'If Asch lived in Yulia City, with Theodore and the others who support Van... then...'_

Theodore would probably told him his prediction that his replica would die in his place, would probably ask him to be patient until that time...

Probably would ask him to thank Van for it, because 'Luke' had to die in Akzeriuth.

With Akzeriuth.

If that's the case, probably he wouldn't try to kill his replica, because he'd know that he's supposed to die soon anyway and killing him would do no good. Would only kill him in the long run. But still...

If it's Asch, for some reason Luke didn't doubt that he'd try to kill him anyway, he'd try to stop him from reaching Akzeriuth. Because he's a kind person. Because he had promised.

Luke's breathing hitched.

He hated it. Hated how now he realized that Jade's right. That he's been unconsciously ignoring things in front of him.

He tried to turn it around for now, and think what would the effect be on Asch if it's true he's in Daath this whole time.

Hidden but not completely, and yet still unnoticed.

Or perhaps even worse than unnoticed.

Ignored. Abandoned. Left to rot inside, but wouldn't be allowed to die.

Luke tried to imagine what it's like, and he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to imagine himself in Asch's place. It's so scary, so painful... No wonder Asch ended up what he was today, as opposed to Guy's prediction that he would end up like Peony if only he wasn't kidnapped.

He had two people with questionable motives fighting over him.

Van was enough to confuse Luke. Because he hated 'Luke' and yet he wanted 'Luke'. At least with him, with the replica Luke, he could be sure that Van hated him. Because he's a replica, although the reason why was questionable.

To Asch, Luke wasn't sure. Because he seemed to want to use him, favor him, but at the same time, he wouldn't hesitate to harm him.

Now he had another person to be considered, and it's harder to consider because there was no one he knew who knew that person. Original Ion was a wild card. There was no telling what he did, why he did it, and what effect it could have on Asch.

Anise gave him some idea, but then again it's from rumors and couldn't be taken for granted...

At least about him clashing with Van about Asch though, Luke supposed he could take it as him opposing Van.

"... why?"

Even though he got the impression that he hated Score as much as Van... even though he should have wanted to destroy the world too...

Why was it that he's opposing Van then?

"It's my personal opinion, but if it's true that Ion liked Asch, then perhaps he wanted him to be someplace he could reach. He's a horrid child, from what I heard. But then again..."

It could be that it's because Asch wanted to stay.

He wanted the torture, wanted to have the slightest hope of being noticed.

But Ion, if he's as smart as his replica, must have noticed the problem that would arise if Asch was returned home. Something that even idiotic Luke could notice. If Asch was returned, then Van would be exposed. That in itself was not a problem, but...

The problem was that there's no way Van would give up, and he'd most certainly compromise if he couldn't use Asch anymore.

And Luke, as his replica, possibly would be taken away by Van, who would most likely go into hiding next.

Luke could see himself grudging and full of rage to the world, just like Sync. He'd help him. He would. He had no doubt that he would if Asch returned home. He'd destroy it, Akzeriuth and everything else Van wanted him to destroy, perhaps even before ND 2018 because screw the Score, and the worst part was that no one would be able to stop him.

Not Asch, not when their fonslots weren't synced and he's unable to communicate with him.

Not anyone else, not when he would have no chance in bonding with them, becoming friends with them.

And... no one would be able to stop Van, not when he's in hiding.

Perhaps, Ion had told him about this, and perhaps he had explained to him why he couldn't let him return to Kimlasca.

Even so...

It didn't matter whether Asch understood this or not. It wouldn't make the pain easier to bear, to accept, to endure. Even though what he did probably was the thing that caused Asch to be so grudging towards his replica. Unable to let 'Luke' go completely. Unable to hate the world completely. Unable to be brainwashed completely.

For the moment, Luke decided to pray and thank Ion for his decision, despite the fact that he was one cause of Asch's pain and suffering, and the possibility that he had his own goals. Which, if what Anise said about him being a horrid child comparable to Jade was true, might even be worse than Van's. Although if he was comparable to Jade, then perhaps he wasn't that bad at heart.

Then again, he's shrouded in mystery, and high chance Luke would never see what's behind the veil. Because Ion's dead. Because the one who had the highest chance of knowing him was asleep and when (Luke was glad he managed to avoid the word if) he talked to him later Luke doubted Ion would be on top of his priority. There were so little time, and there was a lot to talk about after all.

Although, Luke couldn't deny his curiosity about the original Fon Master. About why he was opposed Van even though there were indications that he agreed to his ideals.

"I know... the Order sounds so shitty, right? With members like original Ion, Commandant, Mohs. Sorry for Tear, but I don't like Theodore too."

"Ion made it better," he answered, didn't exactly deny her words.

"Yeah, he did. And I'll make sure it'll get even better. There're lots of things to fix. I will change it. I'll make it so that for whatever reason, there won't be war and poverty. Especially not because of Score. I'll do it, for Ion."

_'Some day, when we're grown up, let's change this county. Change it so that no one has to be poor. Change it so that war never happens.'_

"I'll work hard. I don't care if it'll take my whole live. I'll make it work."

_'Let's work to change our country. For the rest of our lives.'_

"Together..." Luke finished absentmindedly.

And then, he understood.


	7. Chapter 7

**In which Luke talked to Ion. Although the green haired replica is only a figment of his imagination, and he knows it.**

* * *

Luke didn't know if Anise knew what he's been wanting to remember, or if it was just a coincidence, but he hugged her body close and murmured thanks to her ears regardless.

"... Luke?"

He remembered now. Anise's words were similar to what they were saying, so it helped. When she said it, at the same time in his mind Asch and Natalia's voices resounded, and Luke suddenly realized why Asch changed after Akzeriuth.

It really was because of the promise...

The promise. The simple yet complicated vow, the hardest and impossible to keep with people wanting war to happen just because it's foretold in some stupid prophecy which was ironically made to avoid that in the first place, made by two naïve and ambitious children in love.

'Luke' was the one who made the promise, but Asch was still tied to it.

Even if he was told that he couldn't be 'Luke' anymore, he still held that promise dearly.

Even if he had to take different route for it, to interpret it differently, to soil his hands with blood, to be a cold-blooded hot-blooded monster, he'd still try to uphold it.

Though, Luke supposed he's not really hot-blooded. At least, he supposed Asch only let his emotions ran wild when he had his mind filled with something over-whelming.

Like the thought of killing his replica for example.

Or replicas in general.

Or the fact that he'd been replaced by a complete failure who can't be relied on, whose idiocy caused the world to be nearly destroyed, more than once, and threatened the life of _his_ important people.

Which would brought the first thought into mind.

It's a demonic circle, and presumably Luke was at the center of it.

Luke wondered if he'd never find peace until he sees his replica, or perhaps all replicas, Luke had no idea what he hated, dead. Wondered if given chance, he'd suggest to kill all replicas so that they'd have more supplies of seventh fonons since the Planet Storm had been disabled now. It's not unlikely for him.

He added that to list of things he needed to talk to Asch about, besides telling him that he hasn't really break his promise, and that he's not at fault of anything, and that made him deserve to return as 'Luke'.

"Thanks, Anise."

"Luke?"

He hugged her tighter. Remembering that Natalia was only few years younger than her when she accepted 'Luke''s promise. He's sure that Anise would uphold that vow she just made.

No more wars.

Guy and Natalia, perhaps even Jade too, would certainly not allow any more war breaking out between Malkuth and Kimlasca. They'd do it for sure. Luke had no doubt that they would. They'd consider that their highest priority.

But Anise... she didn't seem to care about that. Her life revolved around Ion and the Order.

When she said she'd make it so that there's no more war and poverty, she meant about problems surrounding the replicas exclusively.

Not that he doubted Natalia and Guy, but they had their hands full with matters regarding the originals. About people not liking the sudden change in their ways of life. The absence of Score and Planet Storm... And then, there's the fact that they're originals, so most likely the replicas wouldn't trust them and let them help. If it's Anise, she had Florian on her side. She'd be more acceptable.

If he really had to die after this, at least he could be sure that his brethren would be in good hands, and there's a chance that they would accept the help offered to them.

"Luke? What's... what's the matter?"

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"We'll have lots to do tomorrow, so let's just sleep for now."

She looked worried, but nodded nevertheless. Inched closer, as if it was possible, and hugged him back.

"Good night."

It was the last thing he remembered before Luke found himself in strange space which reminded him of the manor's courtyard, even though it's different somehow.

It's like blinking. One moment he was in bed with Anise, next he was standing in that space, .

It took him few minutes to realize that he was dreaming. Which was weird, because usually he couldn't tell. He thought he could only tell that he was dreaming after he's woken up. At first, he thought so, but apparently it wasn't the case. Perhaps knowing how dreams work helped, or perhaps Asch's presence in his fonslot was the cause of the oddity.

Either way, Luke was at lost as to what to do.

He knew he's in a dream, he had tried pinching his cheek and no pain could be felt so it had to be, but Asch was nowhere in sight. And then, he began to worry. There were dreamless nights, and Luke wondered if Asch was too deep in slumber to have a dream in the first place.

Or if Jade's theory was wrong.

"Hey, wait for me!"

A familiar voice could faintly be heard, and Luke turned and started running towards it. Beside the voice, there was something else he couldn't explain which beckoned him to it. His steps echoed, so loud it almost as if Guy was pounding his head with hammer, it's dizzying, but still Luke kept on running.

"... Asch!"

He spotted him in the distance after running for minutes (or he assumed it's minutes, he honestly couldn't tell), just standing there, still as statue.

The sound of laughter, which accompanied _her_ voice earlier, became louder, and Luke forced his legs to move faster. Beyond Asch, children were running around, laughing, playing tag, having the time of their lives.

"Asch, hey!"

Asch never liked to be touched, but he didn't react even when Luke put his hands on his shoulder and turned him around. His eyes were dull, similar to most of the replicas, the ones with programmed abilities, and they scared Luke more than Asch's usual piercing glare.

Eyes of the dead...

"... Asch. It's me."

He tried, but his original stayed unmoved. He didn't even blink.

"Hey, Luke. Are you going to the town again today?"

"Yeah. Been planning it for days. It's rare for circus troupe to visit Baticul after all, right, Guy?"

"Guy, how could you! You should have not tell him about it!"

"I didn't do or say anything! He's the one who found out on his own! But this time he promised he wouldn't shake off the Knights though. So I think it'll be fine? Her Grace approved too."

"Hm, I wonder."

"Please tell me you're just messing with me."

"With Luke it's always hard to tell, isn't it?"

In the background, the children had stopped playing, settling to sit under the shade of a tree. They laughed as they chatted. Luke's attention shifted from his unmoving original to them, because the girl was using his name, and then he could finally see them clearly.

A girl, perhaps around ten years old, her hair was golden like sunshine. Next to her, their hands intertwined, was a young boy seemingly the same age as she was. His hair was the color of blood, and his bangs fell until just above his vibrant green eyes.

Eyes showing happiness from the heart, with a glint of mischievousness.

"... Asch."

Luke didn't know which is more painful, holding his unresponsive original with eyes of the dead or looking at what seemed to be his original's past self. Smiling, laughing, happy... knowing that now he could only be seen that way in a dream.

He wondered if it's a nightmare. If he's not really meeting Asch here, that he wasn't really holding his projection. If it's only what his mind conjured up, his greatest fear. Someone once told him that dreams were affected by the seers' state of mind. Luke doubted he's in his greatest now, so perhaps it's the only thing he can see.

Asch looking back to his happy childhood and felt nothing.

Asch losing all of his emotion in attempt to move on.

Asch in a state which is worse than death.

"... Don't do this. Please, Asch... You can't... You can't be like this," he sobbed, because the idea of it was too hard to think about. Because it'll be because of him, winning that stupid fight in Eldrant, that Asch could come up with this stupid idea of returning.

His vision blurred, and Luke instinctively blinked. His breathing hitched when he regained his vision.

The three children had grown.

They were still chatting, laughing, teasing each other, but now they seemed like they were in their late teens. The color of the boy's hair had turned just a shade lighter, into the color of flames although the difference was not that easy to notice, just like Luke's own. His face was also now identical to his. He pulled his original close, and felt his lips curved into a smile against his shoulder. He didn't dare to imagine how he looked now, Luke wasn't sure he could stand it.

The smile of despair.

Acceptance of hell.

Determination to stay silent and simply watched another person lived the life he could have had.

He should be having.

He didn't want to die, he himself admitted so. But... But why... Luke questioned himself, as he found himself trembling. Why is it that he wanted to suffer a fate worse that death, to be alive and yet not existing?

Was it because he wished the illusion of being with his important people?

Was it because he wanted to be punished, because he stupidly thought he had broken his promise?

Even so, even if it's hard to admit, Luke's concern wasn't about Asch primarily. The sight of the boy with flame colored hair made him wonder if it's what people were looking at. A noble boy, born and raised in Baticul since birth. The matter of kidnapping not that well-known.

The matter of replicas not that well-known.

It's as if it never happened.

As if the switch never happened.

Then, that would mean that Luke's existence wasn't acknowledged, isn't it?

It's as if he was never alive, wasn't it? Because he's living 'Luke''s life, in a place where it should be filled by Asch.

"You promised. You promised you'd return. But don't do it like this. Please. I can't live with myself if it's like this. It doesn't have to be this way. Please, Asch..."

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to imagine the thing he wanted the most.

_'Calm down. This is a dream. Nothing more. So, if I want to, I can make anything possible.'_

He tried to convince himself.

Relieved when he opened his eyes the three people sitting in the shade had disappeared. Actually, even the grassy ground, trees and flowers had disappeared, everything had became pure white like undrawn canvas. He let out a sigh of relief. He couldn't think of anything nice for the moment, so perhaps bringing up nice scenes is impossible, but at least he could erase the bad ones.

Even if... the first one wasn't actually bad.

Luke wondered if the first scene he saw, the scene of the children playing and chatting with each other was not from his imagination. If it's Asch's memory. If it really happened in the past.

But it's just a dream, right? His dream. Not Asch's. Well, since they share a body now, he couldn't be sure. But is it possible to see memory in a dream? Luke had never experienced it, so he wasn't sure.

"Hey, Asch... are you... real?"

He didn't answer, still unmoving, still unresponsive. Luke lowered him carefully, positioning him so that he was sitting in the pure white ground.

"Are you really him? Or... are you just figment of my imagination? Which is it?"

He tried to ask him, but Asch still wouldn't respond.

Luke wondered if Asch'd disappear if he willed him to. Because it's a dream, his dream, and there's a chance that the one in front of him was not really his original. Times like these made him wished there's someone he could ask. Because he's an idiot who knew nothing, and even when he had realized something usually he wouldn't allow himself to think of it, leaving those truths buried deep inside him.

"Yeah. There's no way you can be sure about this."

The voice startled him so badly, Luke yelped and almost toppled his original to his back. A young boy was standing behind him, Luke noticed when he turned around, his hand on his chest in effort to calm himself down. Eyes widened when he saw who it was, and his mouth involuntarily formed a wide smile.

The green haired boy giggled at his reaction.

"Ion!"

"Long time no see."

Luke realized immediately that there's no way his dear friend would be able to show himself in person to him. Not anymore, he'd return to the fonbelt months ago. He was just something he wished to see, he wished to be present to explain things which truths he unconsciously buried.

But still, he was glad he could see him again.

"So you know about me. I'm glad."

Luke didn't know how to respond to that, so he just shrugged.

"You have no other choice but to wait, I'm afraid. If he's really your original, then sooner or later he'd gain consciousness, just like you did. If he's not, then he won't. Although there's a chance that you'll wake up before he could."

"... I thought so."

"But this is a slot, similar to fonslot. You should be able to sense him if he's in another place."

He said it as he took a sit in front of him.

"You could sense him when he entered your fonslot right? It's the same. But he has to be here, there's no doubt."

Instinctively he glanced around. Ion watched in silence as he tried to sense another presence who should be there in the slot, focusing and remembering that the whole space was part of him and Asch was not. Sure, he had accepted him, but he'd always be able to tell where he was.

In the end, he let out a sigh and gripped his unresponsive original's hand, silently telling Ion that the one next to him was the only one he could sense. He had to be real.

"What about what we saw back then?"

"This is your dream. You already know what it was."

"So what I thought is true?"

"It could be."

Luke got it why Ion was being vague. He couldn't know, because Ion was only part of him, something Luke made up himself. He could only know things that Luke knew, but Luke couldn't imagine Ion not knowing something. His fellow replica, despite being years younger than Luke was, was almost as impressive as Asch was in gathering information after all. In the end, he could only imagine him hiding stuffs from him.

"Try to remember. Is there something out of place with what you saw?"

"... I think so."

"What was it?"

"The place was too vast, for one thing. It resembled the manor's though. And... They were playing tag."

Luke was sure he saw Guy laughing when Natalia caught him, and it's impossible in real life. So then, it couldn't be Asch's memory, because it couldn't happen. And it couldn't be Luke's memory too, because he couldn't go out to town, and he was sure he had never hold Natalia's hand like that. Besides, when he was that small, Luke was sure he couldn't even walk nor talk, let alone running around and teasing Guy and Natalia.

It really was just a nightmare.

Although... Luke gripped Asch's hand tighter. Felt bad that Asch got to see that. Imagining that for him, seeing his past must be a painful thing, because he knew what would come next.

"Apparently Guy's right... I never pay attention to my surrounding."

"I think the fact from Jade is more suitable to describe you right now."

"That I am unconsciously ignoring things in front of me?"

Ion nodded before turning to Asch. Luke unconsciously followed his gaze before looking back at him confusedly.

"You're still not ready to talk to him. And you have to figure it out soon, or he may never gain consciousness."

"... Don't tell me..."

Ion nodded again.

It's Luke's fault. It really was.

Deep down, there's still part of him which wished for him to stay asleep, part of him which didn't want to talk to him. It's a dream, his dream, what he wanted goes. What he expected happened. Asch could be there because he's expecting him to be there, but...

"You're still wavering."

"I-"

"Don't deny it. There's still part of you who doesn't want him to return to his rightful place, and despite how small that part is, it's still holding you back."

Luke looked down and nodded.

It's true.

He wanted Asch to return so badly, but still he could think up things like sacrificing him effortlessly, like how he thought up the theory that he could trap Asch forever inside him and use his life-force to live. He didn't want to do it, but still it's bad enough to realize that he's not entirely sincere. He wondered if he was cursed, then he'd attack Asch, just like Guy attacked him when he was cursed before.

That part of him, no matter how small that was, was the cause Asch was still unconscious, like he's in a daze. Present, but not really there. Made him wonder what he saw earlier, the scenes of Asch being with Guy and Natalia replaced with of himself with the two, were. In a dream, it's only possible to see things he expected to see and things he wanted to see. Was he still wishing to be 'Luke'? Was he expecting to live that life again? Neither was good for his conscience.

"It still doesn't change what I want."

"Yes. That's why you have to know what's keeping you, or you'll never be able to get over it. It's similar to Guy's phobia. He's better now that he know what's keeping him, right?"

Ion smiled kindly at him as he said that.

"Come on. Let him rest just a bit longer, and try to figure this out. I'll help. I'm essentially you, after all. I can't tell you exactly, because you don't want to realize it, but I'll give out the things that might help you see it. Time flows differently in dream, so we have all the time we need."

He then helped Luke laying down Asch and closing his dull eyes. He seemed just like he was sleeping, and Luke wondered if Asch was having a dream of his own. Worried if he'd dissolve into nothingness if he moved to another slot.

"Don't worry. He won't disappear."

"... I hope so. I don't want to have to look for him again."

Ion giggled again.

"Yes. You won't have to. After this, you'll be impossible to separate."

"If this works."

"You decided to avoid _if_, didn't you?"

"Right..."

"Have faith in everyone. They'll help you get what you want. In exchange, you have to do your best and whatever happens don't give up. And this time, make sure you really kill Van."

Luke flinched, didn't expect Ion to be able to say the word kill so easily.

"I know you find it hard, but it's what he wants you to do. You failed before, and look what it caused him. For his sake, you have to endure it and make sure you succeed at all cost."

Asch swore he'd kill Van with his own hands if Luke failed to kill him, and he was nearly killed because of it. Going around with his wounded stomach, in his incredibly weakened state... Luke wondered if it's ever treated. He hoped so. Ginji wouldn't let him travel with a gaping hole in his body, wouldn't he? And the Dark Wings too.

Searching Van.

Searching the God-Generals.

Facing them by himself.

And then there's his stupid determination to die for Natalia's sake.

Essentially, because Luke didn't kill Van, Asch was sprinting towards his death.

Cleaning up after him, he said. Wouldn't say anything clear to anyone. Wouldn't let anyone help him.

Like an idiot, like he was trying to prove that...

"..."

That he's the better person.

"Oh? You've only noticed?"

Luke could only nod.

"Why do you think he did it?"

"... because I'm unworthy to be 'Luke'. And he wanted to prove that he was. He wanted to redeem himself."

Ion smiled knowingly at his conclusion.

"How do you think he wanted to redeem himself?"

"By defeating Van-"

He stopped and hesitated.

No... it's wrong. That's not it. Not defeating Van or God-Generals. He warned Guy about the God-Generals, and about Van... it wasn't until after the Jewel was found that he became fixated in it. Because his replica refusing to be 'Luke' overwhelmed him, and it made him revert to his hot-blooded self and decided to do stupid things. No question about it. Although about him running to his death, to sacrifice himself and the replicas, Luke figured it was the thought of Kimlasca and Natalia dying which overwhelmed him.

Ion was still smiling, and he nodded encouragingly.

"... the Jewel?"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't realize I have it."

And Asch thought his replica didn't get it, too stupid to even notice that he's supposed to receive it.

"Why?"

"Because it's fused to my body."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a replica and my fonons separate easily."

"And why do you think he chose the Jewel as the way to redeem himself?"

"Because..."

And he's stuck. He tried to think, but to no avail. Nothing came up at all. He glanced at Ion, who now had seemed to find his confusion very amusing, silently begging him for help. The younger replica, which Luke had to remind himself again was only a figment of his imagination, giggled.

"It's not that difficult to figure out. Come on. What do you think the Jewel signify?"

"...," he still couldn't think up anything, and Ion asked him another question after exactly ten seconds of silence, at least ten seconds according to Luke.

"What made him start the search for the Jewel in the first place?"

"Lorelei's... message."

"What did he say in the message?"

"That Van trapped him, and that he'll give us the Keys," Luke answered, because he honestly couldn't remember his exact words. Apparently it didn't matter though, and he wasn't unconsciously buried it because Ion didn't press him on that.

"Who is _us_?"

"Asch and Luke."

"And?"

"And... and Asch got his Key. I didn't. At least, we all thought I didn't."

A pause then.

"You have stopped thinking and is now relying on me," Ion scolded him, still with a smile on his face after very long seconds of silence.

Out of clues. Luke cringed and apologized. Heads bowed down in slight shame.

"Tear said you'll get it if you don't stop thinking right? You've got it, you have since long time ago. You just haven't seen it yet. Try to put it all together now."

Luke nodded, and tried to trust Ion. Try to think that he's not part of him, not his imagination, but his friend who's really helping him and he couldn't disappoint him. Deep breath and eyes shut close as he tried to focus.

It's the Jewel.

It's what made him so reckless.

It's what overwhelmed him.

Luke's missing Key.

He wanted to find it to redeem himself. So it must mean something important, something only Asch knew about probably. No no no, he shook his head in attempt to drive such thought away. Ion said he knew what it meant already. Come on... think think think... notice it...

"See? You've got the answer already."

Luke stared at Ion disbelievingly, couldn't believe his ears. Couldn't believe the words Ion let out, with his amused smile and tone almost sounding as if he was praising him.

"Ion, please don't tease me... I'm in a bind here."

"I'm not teasing. You really have thought up the answer."

He said it just like he used to say 'Luke is really kind' in the past, in all seriousness. Still smiling, however. Ion was always smiling. Was there a time he wasn't smiling? Ah... he wasn't smiling when Akzeriuth fell... and when he's in Yulia City. Or when he was asking King Ingobert for audience when Natalia was distraught about her not being the biological daughter of her father. Only death could erase Ion's smile, and perhaps people's pain. Ion was a thoroughly selfless child after all.

And he's distracted again. Damn it.

As if he could read his mind, wait, he knew what Luke was thinking since he's part of him, Ion tilted his head to the side and questioned him if he'd like to have someone else help him. Someone who's less distracting.

"... I don't think anyone else can help me in this."

"Is that so."

"..."

"You really can't see it?"

"I'm sorry... I just... I have no excuse..."

"Hm. That small part of you is really troublesome, huh. Perhaps you have to notice it first. Maybe it'll help seeing the answer easier. Well, since the beginning I suppose that's what necessary."

Luke nodded dejectedly, because he had no other choice. Looked down, because he couldn't not see the Ion in front of him as his friend, and he'd probably disappointed him like this.

"Don't think of it as a bad thing."

"But it is."

"There's still time. You can still figure out what's keeping you and solve everything."

"... Can I really figure it out?"

"This is a dream, remember? As long as you expect and wish it, it'll happen. You wish to know already, now just trust me, trust yourself, and expect it to happen soon."

"As soon as possible."

"That's right. Although you have to remember that all you can do is making up theories. What really happened and what's really in his mind is anyone's guess, and what you've thought up can be far from the truth. But, it's better than nothing isn't it?"

Luke nodded again. He had realized it from the start.

"So then, let's begin. Do you trust me?"

He looked up to Ion's smiling face.

It's Ion. Kind, bright, and all knowing Ion.

He couldn't not trust him, even though he knew that he's not really his Ion. He nodded once more.

"I'll say something cruel, but this is something you've consider, or else I wouldn't be able to say it. You know, and you've put it aside, you're trying to ignore it. I'll say it, and I'll remind you about it, but what's next is entirely up to you."

"... Got it."

His hands formed into fists unconsciously, as Luke was aware that he wouldn't like what he's going to hear next. Took a deep breath, exhaled, and nodded again. "I'm ready. Shoot."

Ion's gaze shifted towards Asch again, and he pointed his finger at him.

"That person next to you... he's not Asch."

"... What?"

"He's not Asch."

Ion repeated once more, in all seriousness, without a smile, and it's enough for Luke to be sure that it's the core of his problem.

Thinking back, Ion hadn't called him by name, and he hadn't referred to Asch by his too. But... but he had told Luke that Asch had to be here somewhere, and that Luke could sense him. Luke had tried, but he couldn't sense anyone else in this place. Only the Asch who was next to him radiated that weird feeling of strangeness, something which attracted and scared Luke at the same time.

Yep, definitely Asch. No one else could do that to him.

"I didn't say he isn't your original. He is, no doubt about that. It's just that he's not 'Asch'."

He emphasized on his name like he was talking about something more than just some word used to call someone.

"... Is this something about his identity crisis?"

"It could be. Or it could be yours."

Luke had almost forgotten he had one in the first place, so he grimaced.

"Okay. Fair enough. If it's about me, it makes more sense because it's me who's still getting held back by something."

"But it affects him too. I can't tell which suffers worse though. Comparing pain between victims and determining which one deserves more attention is never a good thing. And you and him don't want to be called victims anyway."

"... Yeah."

"But it's true that it's your problem that has to be dealt first."

Luke was reminded of what Noelle said during their first flight from Sheridan to St. Binah. She was explaining safety procedure as she drove, entirely too cheerful for someone who's just left her hometown and with it her family, and knowing she'd probably had to stick with a group of fugitives for Lorelei-knows-how-long. Perhaps the fact that said group had saved her brother helped. But still...

'In case of sudden drop of air pressure, the third fonstone above will react and activate lots of other mechanism most of you won't understand,' she had said with a laugh, winking at Guy and Jade, 'and air masks will be dropped. I ask you to put on yours first before you help the child.'

'The name's Anise and I'm not a child!'

She laughed again at that outburst, and said that they shouldn't worry although some anatomical matter which basically said that Anise's more susceptible to barotrauma, but it shouldn't get to anyone's mind and focus on preventing themselves from experiencing it first.

Anyway, the idea was clear. To help others, you have to be not in danger yourself.

And Luke's in danger. He's still lost, and so he's not yet qualified to bring Asch back. If he tried anyway, he'd only confuse Asch even more.

"And... to solve my problem, acknowledging that is necessary," Luke concluded. Ion nodded in agreement.

"Yes. Didn't you hear him in Eldrant? He said it himself that he's 'Luke'."

"It's because he's stupid and think that he could return by being inside me."

"True. Quite a logic, right? But then again, it's great. It's favorable for you. Don't you think so?"

"What part of him thinking stupid thought to punish himself is favorable?"

"The part where he's accepting his name again."

Luke was struck speechless by it.

"Why can't you accept it? Why do you still call him 'Asch' despite it? Even though you want him to return so badly? Even though you want him to be 'Luke' again. Isn't it like you're denying him when he's being what you want him to be?"

"But... but he's..."

"He is wrong. He is using the worst interpretation possible for being 'Luke' again. Is that what you want to say?"

Luke looked up to see Ion's questioning eyes and gulped, couldn't bring himself to deny it.

"Hey, tell me, what did you see? That dream you saw earlier."

"..."

"It's what you want, you know? It's what you expect, you know? It's your original in your body, you know? It's the stupid thing you insist would make into reality, you know?"

He said as he stood up, and walked closer to Luke. Towering him. Sneering at him, his face more like Sync than the Ion who Luke remembered. And then his hand was on Luke's hair, yanking him, tilting his head up and forcing him to look at him eye to eye.

"Hey, have you been fooling yourself?"

"... No... No..."

"Then why? Even though it was such a good dream."

"It's not true!"

"What is not true?"

"I... I just..."

"The truth is, it's you who doesn't want to see such scenes, right? It's you who doesn't want to die, to step aside for your original, isn't it? You're happy he's willing to do that for you, aren't you? You still don't want to admit that you're _nothing_."

He laughed.

Just like Sync, looking at Luke's horror stricken face, he laughed.

Even though normally Luke wouldn't laugh at himself, even though Ion was only part of himself, he laughed.

He laughed as Luke's conscious mind for the first time see the things he distorted, ignored, the things which made him ugly and despicable.

He laughed, his clear voice echoing in the strange white space, it brought chill to Luke's spine. Scary, so scary. The truth was the scariest, more than Asch's piercing glare or the threat of him disappearing and dying on him. More than the certainty that Luke would die whatever happens.

No... not whatever happens.

If he could refrain from using hyper-resonance, if he could trap Asch inside him forever, then he would live. He'd be able to return home. He'd be able to be with everyone again.

He's becoming like his fellow replicas, who wanted a place so badly they were willing to kill the originals for it. Even though he knew that it's wrong to do so. Even though he knew that it wouldn't satisfy him.

He wondered if the fact that he didn't want to replace Asch was the one thing that made him thought of his replica as defective. Because he's different with other replicas. Wondered that now, if he knew that his replica was now willing to use him and replace him, Luke wondered if Asch would smile and praise him for it. Would stop calling him defective because of it.

What a ridiculous thing to think about... if he did, it'd be out of despair, isn't it?

Even though he didn't want him to feel anymore pain...

"Hey..."

Ion had stopped laughing, and he tugged on Luke's hair again, almost to the point of pain. Uncertainly, Luke met his eyes again, although he couldn't stop himself from trembling and whimpering in fear.

"'Luke' and 'Asch' are two different people. You know this right?"

Luke nodded.

"'Asch' can't be 'Luke', in the same time this logic holds right?"

He nodded again.

"You think that he's confused because Van wanted him to be 'Asch' and 'Luke' at the same time, right? Hated him and wanted him at the same time right? Wanted to break him and use him at the same time right?"

He nodded again. His eyes felt hot as tears started to form and Luke gritted his teeth in attempt to hold back his emotion. It hurts, hearing Ion saying all those accusations hurts, but it's the truth and he had to hear it and he couldn't deny it, and he knew what would come next and...

"Hey... What you are now... Can you honestly say you're different with Van?"


End file.
